Tony Parker, Justin Bieber Used As Examples Of People We Want In Our Country

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Illinois representative Luis Gutierrez knows the secrets to arguing about important, real-life things on the Internet -- sarcasm, topicality and, if possible, Justin Bieber-related photoshops.

here we go again

Arizona's Dumb Attempt To Outlaw Trolling Tramples All Over The First Amendment, Naturally

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<a href=""></a>Oh brother -- here we go again.


‘Tampons Soaked in Vodka’

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Because teenagers are stupid and annoying, I sometimes forget about the often difficult quest of getting wasted when you're underage.


The Autotuned Version Of ‘Reality Hits You Hard, Bro’ We’ve All Been Waiting For


George Lindell survived a car accident and then gave an, um, energetic interview to the local news on the sidewalk.


A Star Is Born.

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Meet George Lindell, who survived a violent car accident in which -- surprisingly -- no one was hurt.


@Storytime: Darnell Dockett Almost Brings A Gun To Practice

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Arizona Cardinals defensive lineman Darnell Dockett is the reason why the <a href="">@Storytime</a> series exists.


And You Guys Thought Kate Upton Was Fat

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  Arizona's Susanne Eman is already a world record holder.

local news

Arizona Police Still Investigating Dong-Shooting

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I posted <a href="" target="_blank">this local news story</a> the other day because (A) a man shooting himself in the penis with a pink gun is inherently funny, and (B) the man-on-street interviews are absolutely essential journalistic touches ("A bullet in your penis.


Local Arizona News: Man Shoots Self in Groin

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Echoing the example set by NFL wide receiver Plaxico Burress, an Arizona man shot himself in the groin while tucking a pistol into his waistband, thus creating the impetus for this enlightening local news segment from ABC15.


News Anchors Love Them Some Haboob


First off, some knowledge: A haboob is a type of sandstorm (thanks, <a href="">Wikipedia</a>).


Supercut: Haboob!

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Earlier this week, a massive dust storm engulfed Phoenix, providing eye-popping images that made the national news.

police brutality

Phoenix, Arizona Cop Caught On Video Stampeding Teenage Girl

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Remember back when a citizen armed with one of those bulky camcorder things that were so fancy back in the early 90s caught LAPD officers beating the crap out of Rodney King, and it was such a big deal to see something like that at the time that citizens took to the streets and rioted and basically almost burned down the whole town.


What’s Going On With Communism Now?

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You may recognize that fella up there underneath the black fashion sunglasses as the lead singer of Scorpions, and I thought that’s who it was as well until a Wisconsin teacher briefly stopped protesting to inform me that it is actually iconic Russian leader Joseph Stalin.


Jared Loughner liked Donnie Darko, Drowning Pool

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While the mainstream media focuses on the typically asinine and vomit-inducing aspects of the <a href=";_ylt=AgRbMKZEcyhWyTn6Z24zTqrCw5R4;_ylu=X3oDMTMzaWxpZHI0BGFzc2V0Ay9zL2FwL3VzX2NvbmdyZXNzd29tYW5fc2hvdARjY29kZQNtcF9lY184XzEwBGNwb3MDMQRwb3MDMQRzZWMDeW5fdG9wX3N0b3JpZXMEc2xrA29mZmljZXJzc3RvcA--" target="_blank">Arizona killer</a>, unanswerable questions like whether "violent rhetoric" contributed to him being a batsh*t retard (does it matter.


Correction: ASU Adult Film Star Did *NOT* Get Her Scholarship Revoked

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A few days ago, I linked an <a href="" target="_blank">Asylum story</a> about 18-year-old Arizona State freshman geology major* Elizabeth Hawkenson, who had reportedly had her scholarship revoked after appearing in a "casting couch" porno in which she holds up her actual ASU ID card (note: probably not the best idea).


Serious question: Are people from Arizona clinically retarded?

By | 30 Comments

When the <a href="" target="_blank">LA Times ran a story</a> about Lake Havasu residents hoping to "dispel rumors" that their lake was infested with piranhas because a ridiculous movie was filmed there, mainly I was confused by Havasu's strange approach to publicity.


Uh… what? ‘Lake Havasu hopes to dispel Piranha rumors.’

By | 19 Comments

The <a href="" target="_blank">LA Times</a> has a story today claiming people in Lake Havasu are worried that Piranha 3D will hurt their tourism business.

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