STEVEN SEAGAL'S POSSE

Pictures: Steven Seagal in a fancy scarf training a posse of armed vigilantes

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Last week, I told you about how Steven Seagal would be <a href="http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2013/02/steven-seagal-and-joe-arpaio-are-training-a-posse-of-school-shooting-first-responders" target="_blank">teaming up</a> with Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio to train "a posse" on how to respond to school shootings.

PHOENIX COYOTES

Not The Lockout NHL News: The Phoenix Coyotes Are Changing Names

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This is probably the least important story of all time, but it's about the NHL and has nothing to do with the goddamn lockout, so I'm writing about it: the Phoenix Coyotes are considering a name change.

Politics

Self Deportation Station

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Arizona governor Jan Brewer (Mary Steenburgen) introducing the Self Deportation Station, for all your self-deporting needs.

LONDON BRIDGE

The History of London Bridge

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London Bridge has been rebuilt twice.

RUSSELL PEARCE

Former AZ state senator Mark Wahlberg’d the Aurora shooting, basically

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Some months back, Mark Wahlberg made headlines when he told Men's Journal that if he had been on the planes that hit the towers on 9/11, "<a href="http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2012/01/marky-mark-says-he-wouldve-have-stopped-911-doesnt-masturbate" target="_blank">it wouldn't have went down the way it did</a>.

#Justin Bieber

Tony Parker, Justin Bieber Used As Examples Of People We Want In Our Country

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Illinois representative Luis Gutierrez knows the secrets to arguing about important, real-life things on the Internet -- sarcasm, topicality and, if possible, Justin Bieber-related photoshops.

trolling

Arizona's Dumb Attempt To Outlaw Trolling Tramples All Over The First Amendment, Naturally

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<a href="http://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/4588376134_e6ae04457f.jpg"></a>Oh brother -- here we go again.

local news

‘Tampons Soaked in Vodka’

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Because teenagers are stupid and annoying, I sometimes forget about the often difficult quest of getting wasted when you're underage.

News

The Autotuned Version Of ‘Reality Hits You Hard, Bro’ We’ve All Been Waiting For

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George Lindell survived a car accident and then gave an, um, energetic interview to the local news on the sidewalk.

local news

A Star Is Born.

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Meet George Lindell, who survived a violent car accident in which -- surprisingly -- no one was hurt.

#Twitter

@Storytime: Darnell Dockett Almost Brings A Gun To Practice

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Arizona Cardinals defensive lineman Darnell Dockett is the reason why the <a href="http://withleather.uproxx.com/tag/storytime">@Storytime</a> series exists.

#KATE UPTON

And You Guys Thought Kate Upton Was Fat

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  Arizona's Susanne Eman is already a world record holder.

local news

Arizona Police Still Investigating Dong-Shooting

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I posted <a href="http://www.uproxx.com/tv/2011/08/local-arizona-news-man-shoots-self-in-groin" target="_blank">this local news story</a> the other day because (A) a man shooting himself in the penis with a pink gun is inherently funny, and (B) the man-on-street interviews are absolutely essential journalistic touches ("A bullet in your penis.

News

Local Arizona News: Man Shoots Self in Groin

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Echoing the example set by NFL wide receiver Plaxico Burress, an Arizona man shot himself in the groin while tucking a pistol into his waistband, thus creating the impetus for this enlightening local news segment from ABC15.

#Supercuts

News Anchors Love Them Some Haboob

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First off, some knowledge: A haboob is a type of sandstorm (thanks, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haboob">Wikipedia</a>).

rachel maddow

Supercut: Haboob!

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Earlier this week, a massive dust storm engulfed Phoenix, providing eye-popping images that made the national news.

police brutality

Phoenix, Arizona Cop Caught On Video Stampeding Teenage Girl

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Remember back when a citizen armed with one of those bulky camcorder things that were so fancy back in the early 90s caught LAPD officers beating the crap out of Rodney King, and it was such a big deal to see something like that at the time that citizens took to the streets and rioted and basically almost burned down the whole town.

#Twitter

What’s Going On With Communism Now?

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You may recognize that fella up there underneath the black fashion sunglasses as the lead singer of Scorpions, and I thought that’s who it was as well until a Wisconsin teacher briefly stopped protesting to inform me that it is actually iconic Russian leader Joseph Stalin.

JARED LOUGHNER

Jared Loughner liked Donnie Darko, Drowning Pool

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While the mainstream media focuses on the typically asinine and vomit-inducing aspects of the <a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_congresswoman_shot;_ylt=AgRbMKZEcyhWyTn6Z24zTqrCw5R4;_ylu=X3oDMTMzaWxpZHI0BGFzc2V0Ay9zL2FwL3VzX2NvbmdyZXNzd29tYW5fc2hvdARjY29kZQNtcF9lY184XzEwBGNwb3MDMQRwb3MDMQRzZWMDeW5fdG9wX3N0b3JpZXMEc2xrA29mZmljZXJzc3RvcA--" target="_blank">Arizona killer</a>, unanswerable questions like whether "violent rhetoric" contributed to him being a batsh*t retard (does it matter.


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