A Modest Proposal: Make SpaceDown Instead Of Space Jam 2

07.23.15 2 years ago 29 Comments

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You may have heard the rumors that Warner Brothers has, in combination with people who work for LeBron James, laid the groundwork for a sequel to a movie I will unironically call one of my favorites of all time, Space Jam. After filing trademarks for “Space Jam” last month and inking a deal with LeBron’s production company, SpringHill Entertainment, a followup to the classic film is not just possible, it’s actually looking kind of likely. And as much as I would love a true sequel to the film featuring a theme song hopefully performed by Chance the Rapper, there is an opportunity here to create something so much greater.

SpaceDown.

As Space Jam already explored all aspects of the drama of the wonderful game of basketball, it would make logical sense for the Looney Tunes to try their luck at a different sport. SpaceDown would feature an ensemble cast consisting of Tom Brady, Arian Foster, Odell Beckham, Marshawn Lynch, Rob Gronkowski, Richard Sherman, and ugh, they’ll probably try to shoehorn JJ Watt in there somewhere too. Of course, cameos from NFL legends like Joe Montana would abound, and the pivotal game would, of course, be called by Jon Gruden and Mike Tirico.

In fact, the nature of football as a sport would allow SpaceDown not just to equal Space Jam, but to exceed its success. Since there are more players on the team at any given time, more Looney Tunes characters would get time to shine. Imagine Gossamer as a big center, with Speedy Gonzales as a kick return specialists. More characters would be able to see more action on the field of play, and as the camera follows the action, each character or NFL player would get time in the spotlight. It’d kind of be like The Avengers, but with football and also Looney Tunes characters. Hell, they could even bring the friendly-as-of-the-end-of-Space-Jam-1-MonStars back if they ran out of beloved cartoon characters to fill space on the field.

Most of the players I envision in the movie already have acting experience one way or another in sketches, commercials, or movies of their own, putting them at least on even footing with Michael Jordan when he made Space Jam. I have no doubt that given further training, SpaceDown would be a massive hit, and that the original movie soundtrack featuring Snoop Dogg, Imagine Dragons, HAIM, Kendrick Lamar, The Darkness, and Chance The Rapper would go triple platinum.

Please. Call your local congressperson. Tweet at Warner Brothers. Send creepy letters to LeBron James. Depose Roger Goodell and install somebody as commissioner who would like this idea. The world needs Bugs Bunny and Marshawn Lynch having conversations about carrots vs. Skittles as performance-enhancing foods. The world needs a callback to the original Space Jam in which Odell Beckham stretches his arm out to make another ridiculous fingertip catch. The world needs Arian Foster to teach Sylvester to achieve nirvana and become vegan so he can stop chasing that goddamned asshole Tweety around everywhere.

And perhaps more than anything, the world needs to see Rob Gronkowski lay waste to a city during a night out partying with the Tasmanian Devil, and then, both hung over, line up alongside each other the next day in a two tight end power set. Let’s make this happen. #SpaceDown.

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