Gawd, Can’t I Just Walk Mitzy With My Giant Sweatpants? KSK Kontent Klearinghouse

05.03.12 6 years ago 30 Comments

Just like that, we instantly have new clubhouse leader for favorite Jay Cutler photo, non-sulking division. It’s perfectly distilled Cutlerf*cker: peevish about being noticed outside of his own terms, also annoyed that Kristin is making him walk her stupid tiny yappy dog, the astutely coiffed hair despite being otherwise slovenly. Let’s not forget the huge sweatpants that he must have borrowed from Roberto Garza. If only he were rolling his eyes, it would hit every high note.

– The Patriots have reacquired Jabar Gaffney, meaning that with Ocho, the Pats will boast two receivers who overshare on Twitter. One occasionally amusing and the other disconcertingly dramatic. It always helps to have versatility in an offense.

– Spencer Hall wrote an NFL-related feature. You shouldn’t need further enticement than that.

– Former Cowboys lineman Torrin Tucker got busted for selling weed to an undercover officer in a strip club. Police then discovered bags of weed and cocaine capsules in a Crown Royale bag stuffed down the front of his pants. it’s like he’s utilizing all the life lessons that Nate Newton could possibly impart.

– Columnist argues that the NFL is basically the next Big Tobacco. I find that conclusion somewhat problematic but I do welcome the idea of the league having to fund commercials where people dump bodybags at their corporate offices.

– Worthwhile Junior Seau reaction piece from Chris Jones at Esquire (don’t worry, Gawker, it’s not about his wife), a story on Deadspin about a time Seau picked up a Marine captain’s bar tab then played the ukulele for everybody and another tale of Seau awesomeness from Saints center Eric Olsen.

PROGRAMMING NOTE: Burnsy and Danger Guerrero will be subbing again tomorrow. Don’t think you can act up, because they’ll be submitting a report to me in full about any misbehavior. Looking at you, Feklar. People liked Burnsy’s Sexy Friday post from last week, with good reason, so you’re in for a treat.

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