The Worst Column Opening You’ll Ever Read

08.25.10 7 years ago 41 Comments

Donovan McNabb spouted off to GQ yesterday about his time with the Eagles and that time he threw up on the field (he says he didn’t) and blah blah blah. And what McNabb said wasn’t half as interesting as the response it got around Philly, most from notably local Mark Whicker clone Bob Ford.

You know, given the fact that the internet is around, I forget from time to time that some newspapers actually exist, and that they still somehow employ, pay, and give benefits to columnists as spectacularly awful as Ford. Read this opening. Go ahead. Read this piece of shit.

All these years, I thought GQ stood for Gentleman’s Quarterly, but when the magazine came out with its exclusive, wide-ranging interview with Donovan McNabb this week, it’s obvious the initials stand for Gone Qwazy.

Holy shit, that is awful. But wait! He’s not done yet!

Because that’s where McNabb has gone. Not Washington, D.C., or Landover, Md. But Qwazy, USA, Zip code 55555.

Just in case that Gone Qwazy joke didn’t make you laugh hard enough the first time, BOOM! Bob hits you with it back to back! It’s a trick gleaned from the ol’ Eric Stangel playbook. He fucking qwushed that joke. Just stone cold QWUSHED it.

This man will be jobless soon.

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