QUESTION: Look at the guy in the video. He is wearing that hat for a special reason. Can you guess why?
- It is a special “perching hat” because the falcon can no longer fit on the man’s shoulder.
- He is cosplaying as “The Beastmaster“
- It is for the falcon to ejaculate into.
ANSWER: It’s the last one. He’s wearing a falcon-sex hat.
This poor, damp soul is either a trained ornithologist or in desperate need of a new hobby. Meaning, in all likelihood he has acquired an advanced degree in ornithology and the crippling student loan debt that comes with an advanced degree in ornithology, just so that large predatory birds can use his forehead as a Fleshlight. According to a viral Reddit TIL posted this morning, “falcons sometimes become sexually imprinted on humans. In order to bred [sic] them, the breeder lets the male bird copulate with his head while wearing a special hat with pockets to catch the semen.”
After some further research, it appears this is all true. And it’s not just falcons; parrots are also super into the whole genital-to-human head lovemaking thing too.
In case you’re wondering, the person who is uncontrollably giggling while the parrot sexually assaults some unlucky man is none other respected actor, poet, and philanthropist Stephen Fry.
So there it is, as you start another long week of crunching numbers in Excel, making sandwiches at Jimmy Johns, or doing whatever else you do for money, remember that no matter how terrible your job seems, somebody is out there getting his head drilled by a falcon right now.
And think, maybe your job isn’t so bad, after all.
