“Date night cooking battle?” you ask. “Haven’t you food nerds done that before?”
It’s true. This is our first do-over battle in 20 competitions. Though we’ve had a few concepts veer dangerously close to one another, none has been an exact repeat until now.
The reasons for this are three-fold. First, it’s hard to think of a Valentine’s-adjacent theme that can get us those sweet SEO clicks. More importantly, one of us (ahem, yours truly) was absolutely robbed last time because a few finicky fans don’t like fish. And finally, providing you — our faithful readers — with a recipe you might actually use to have sex is an allure we can’t deny.
This month, we’re joined by comedian Matt Braunger to help with the roasting. The standup, MADtv alum, and host of the classic “Advice from a Dipshit” podcast was all too happy to join in the shredding. His latest special: Finally Live In Portland just launched and he’s currently touring the Midwest. As you’ll see, he fit right in with the gang.
BLT Showdown — 1) Vince 2) Zach 3) Steve
Mac & Cheese Showdown — 1) Vince 2) (tie) Zach, Steve
Taco Showdown — 1) Steve 2) Zach 3) Vince
Winter Stew Showdown — 1) Zach 2) Steve 3) Vince
Date Night Showdown — 1) Zach 2) Vince 3) Steve
Pasta Showdown — 1) Steve 2) Zach 3) Vince
Hot Beef Showdown — 1) Zach 2) Vince 3) Steve
Shellfish Showdown — 1) Vince 2) Zach 3) Steve
BBQ Showdown — 1) Steve 2) Zach 3) Vince
Pumpkin Spice Showdown — 1) (tie) Vince, Zach 2) Steve
Thanksgiving Side Dish Showdown — 1) Vince 2) Steve 3) Zach
Christmas Dessert Showdown — 1) Steve 2) Vince 3) Zach
Chili Cook-off Showdown — 1) Zach 2) Steve 3) Vince
Nacho Showdown — 1) Vince 2) Steve 3) Zach
Burger Showdown — 1) Zach 2) Vince 3) Steve
Breakfast Burrito Showdown — 1) Vince 2) Zach 3) Steve
Fried Noodle Showdown — 1) Steve 2) Zach 3) Vince
Fried Chicken Sandwich Showdown — 1) Vince 2) Steve 3) Zach
Christmas Dessert Showdown Rematch: 1) Zach 2) Steve 3) Vince
Italian Comfort Food Showdown: 1) Steve 2) (tie) Zach & Vince
We’re giving three points to the winner and one to second place for each round. As it stands, the score is:
STEVE’S STRACCI ALLA VODKA
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Made stracci alla vodka with langoustines and grilled radicchio for the #UproxxCookingBattle against @filmdrunk and @ztp_johnston with @braunger judging! Coming off a big win, my ego got inflated and I tried cooking for my girl @niktanic, the great @jenaenicoles, plus @uproxx’s own @aaronsmarter, and @rhodemarshall. I’ll tell you now, friends: I flew too close to the sun. •• The cooking started late and had a few hold ups and there were drinks to be had… somehow we didn’t sit down to eat until 10pm (@jenaenicoles peaced out at 9:30). @aaronsmarter refused to stop eating for a photo (understandable). •• •• Still the flavors were 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽. COME AT ME FOR THIS RECIPE! •• •• •• #homechef #cook #cooking #italian #italianchef #uproxx
Friends, a story. A few months ago, a buddy from work, one Aaron Williams, texted me for the first time ever. The text was sent late at night, around 10:30, and I was playing basketball at the gym.
Reader, I didn’t have the battery power left to tell Aaron all that irked me about this recipe. Cream cheese? Vaguely “Italian” seasoning? Garlic powder? As a point of pride, I consider myself very unfussy. I order the sausage gravy at diners where you clearly ought not to. But you do ? not ?mess ?with Italian food. It’s the food of my father (an excellent home chef) and his father before him (a baker). My aunties in Italy will be patient in all things, but if you use a fork instead of your bare hand for rolling sausages on a skillet, they will jam that fork in your eye.