Bert Kreischer is a success in all of the coolest ways and famous for all the best reasons. When he was in college, Rolling Stone wrote a whole damn feature story on how rad of a partier he was. Then he started doing stand up, hosted two shows on the Travel Channel, made it huge with quite possibly the most iconic oral story of the past 40 years, and on and on like that.
His arc is literally “guy who likes to party and have fun” evolves into “guy who gets rich as shit for partying and having fun.” If you’re not jealous, you might have your priorities wrong.
After hosting a half dozen shows across a range of networks, Kreischer is very much on his own grind right now. He’s in the middle of a sold out theater tour, he’s got a podcast that drops episodes weekly, and his standup special Secret Time is streaming on Netflix.
Amidst all of this, Bert also makes time to cook for his famous friends on his YouTube show Something’s Burning. The show is one part food porn and one part comedians ripping on each other — which made him a damn good candidate to roast me, Vince, and Zach as we attempted to serve up some world class Italian comfort food. Read the recipes and the burns, then come at us with your best. We all brought it in the kitchen this month, so you’d better bring it in the comments.
BLT Showdown — 1) Vince 2) Zach 3) Steve
Mac & Cheese Showdown — 1) Vince 2) (tie) Zach, Steve
Taco Showdown — 1) Steve 2) Zach 3) Vince
Winter Stew Showdown — 1) Zach 2) Steve 3) Vince
Date Night Showdown — 1) Zach 2) Vince 3) Steve
Pasta Showdown — 1) Steve 2) Zach 3) Vince
Hot Beef Showdown — 1) Zach 2) Vince 3) Steve
Shellfish Showdown — 1) Vince 2) Zach 3) Steve
BBQ Showdown — 1) Steve 2) Zach 3) Vince
Pumpkin Spice Showdown — 1) (tie) Vince, Zach 2) Steve
Thanksgiving Side Dish Showdown — 1) Vince 2) Steve 3) Zach
Christmas Dessert Showdown — 1) Steve 2) Vince 3) Zach
Chili Cook-off Showdown — 1) Zach 2) Steve 3) Vince
Nacho Showdown — 1) Vince 2) Steve 3) Zach
Burger Showdown — 1) Zach 2) Vince 3) Steve
Breakfast Burrito Showdown — 1) Vince 2) Zach 3) Steve
Fried Noodle Showdown — 1) Steve 2) Zach 3) Vince
Fried Chicken Sandwich Showdown — 1) Vince 2) Steve 3) Zach
Christmas Dessert Showdown Rematch: 1) Zach 2) Steve 3) Vince
We’re giving three points to the winner and one to second place for each round. As it stands, the score is:
ZACH’S 50-LAYER LASAGNA
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Mother-of-god: 50-layer lasagna! 25 layers of fresh pasta, 25 layers of bolognese and besciamella with a little 24-month-old parm and fresh basil. This was the definition of comfort food. I'm in a coma. This month's Uproxx Cooking Battle is gonna rock! @filmdrunk and @stevebram are screwed 50 ways, baby!
“Sometimes you gotta just say ‘What The Fuck!’ and make your move.”
That line from Risky Business was ringing in my head as I made a mad dash to finish rolling 30-odd sheets of pasta in about an hour’s time for a 50-layer lasagna.