Life

These Disney Songs Will Help You Master The Challenges Of Adulthood

There are three constants in life: You will die, you will pay taxes, and you have at least one Disney song committed to memory. It may have happened accidentally, but there is at least one ear-worm kicking around your think meat that will remain there for the rest of your life. Say what you will about the pop culture juggernaut, but they can write some hella catchy tunes.

While you’ve probably aged out of your days of hardcore Disney fandom (or not, you do you), you’d be surprised how many classic songs are surprisingly applicable to your real life.

When You’re Swiping On Tinder

Tarzan: “Strangers Like Me”

Let’s be real: Tinder is the worst. Only 15 minutes on the app can drive you to consider joining some holy order and leaving this whole dating nonsense behind. How important is sex and companionship anyway, amirite? Still, you stick around long enough and you start to realize that these “strangers like you” become more and more familiar. You might have a few moments of superiority, but these weirdos with their gym selfies and sorority group shots are there for the same things as you.

When You Visit Your Home Town

Beauty and the Beast: “Belle”

Chances are, you head back to your hometown at least once a year for the holidays. You can move as far away as you’d like, but it will definitely feel like parts of your past life have been frozen in time. The rhythms of town may stay the same, and people who knew you when you were on the cusp of puberty will still look at you like you’re that same peculiar kid. It’s probably best to humor them, at least for your sanity’s sake.

When Your Student Loan Debt Is Not Getting Any Smaller

The Hunchback of Notre Dame: “God Help the Outcasts”

The crushing feeling caused by student loan debt is becoming even more pervasive as the cost of education continues to climb. As you sit at your kitchen table eating ramen because you just had to pay your premium, things can start to feel a little desperate. While you’re cursing the names of Fanny Mae and Freddie Mac, humming this Disney deep cut might help you put your feelings into words. Just try not to weep into your noodles; that ramen is salty enough already.

When You’re About To Lose Your Sh*t In Traffic

Pocahontas: “Just Around the Riverbend”

There is nothing worse than working a long day, fleeing your desk, and subsequently getting stuck in gridlock traffic. It happens to the best of us, even with the most meticulous route planning. Not only are there way too many people, everyone is acting like a total asshat. When you’re considering laying on the horn and giving your fellow drivers the one finger salute, remind yourself that your couch, your wine, and your Netflix are waiting just around the riverbend.

When You Get Promoted Above Your Work Nemesis

The Lion King: “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King”

Everyone has their own personal Dwight K. Schrute, that person at work who makes your professional life a living hell. Whether they are vying for all of the same positions as you are or they are just a fly in your ear, there may come a moment when you get to leave them behind forever. That promotion is yours, champ. This is your day to act like an entitled prince without anyone calling you on it. Relish that, because they may start planning their own hyena uprising the very next day.

When Your Friend Is Dating A F*ckboy

Lady and the Tramp: “He’s a Tramp”

You’ve either been that friend or had that friend who always dates toxic losers. Whether it’s the guy who never calls back or the girl who flirts with all of your friends, everyone around you will wonder why they’re still around (it’s usually because they’re super hot). Still, it may be up to you to stage a much needed “come to Jesus” moment, to remind them that their S.O. is a real piece of trash, no matter how charming they may seem.

This  song may be about a cartoon dog, but the sentiment still applies.

When You’re Trying To Work Out

Hercules: “Go the Distance”

There comes a point in your life when you realize that you have to take care of your body if you want it to carry you successfully through your life. I know, crazy revelations! While this may not be the best song to add your “PUMP UP JAMZ” playlist, reminding yourself to be “fearless, proud, and strong” when you stroll past the CrossFitters to get to the more low key elliptical probably wouldn’t go amiss.

When You’re Finding This “Adult” Thing Difficult

Mulan: “I’ll Make a Man Out of You”

“I’m never gonna catch my breath/ Say goodbye to those who knew me/ Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym/ This guy’s got ’em scared to death/Hope he doesn’t see right through me” may have been about training for the Chinese army, but anyone’s who’s had a deadline, doctor’s appointing, bills due, and a messy kitchen all at once can definitely relate. Sure, there’s less chance of death than following Mulan against the Huns, but it can sometimes feel just as daunting.

When You’re Watching Presidential Debates

Pocahontas: “Savages”

If “The only thing they feel at all is greed/ Beneath that milky hide/ There’s emptiness inside/ I wonder if they even bleed” doesn’t perfectly encapsulate our current crop of Presidential hopefuls, nothing will.

When You’re Trying To Prove Your Sobriety

Mary Poppins: “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”

Reciting the alphabet backwards is played out. If you really need to decide whether or not you should call an Uber after a night out (pro tip: you probably should), try and say “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” without slurring or stuttering. Can’t do it? Time to have Chad come pick you up in his Prius.

When You’re Experiencing FOMO

The Little Mermaid: “Part of Your World”

Whether it is a lack of funds, busy schedule, or you just straight up weren’t invited, you’re bound to come across photographic evidence of a party you didn’t attend. As you scroll through Instagram the morning after, looking at all of the bonding moments, hashtags born from drunken jokes, and smiling faces of your friends, you may whisper “I wanna be where the people are” to yourself. It’s okay. Just let yourself feel it and move on. You’ll crush the next group hang, big guy.

When You Finally Move Out Of That Terrible Apartment

Aladdin: “A Whole New World”

It is pretty much a given that you’ll live in a truly terrible apartment at some point in your life. There will be bugs, psychotic landlords, and tiny closets a plenty, but that will make moving somewhere you love that much better. While “don’t you dare close your eyes” probably works more when you’re going down into your old building’s creepy basement to use the washing machine, the rest of the song captures the euphoria of living in a place that really feels like home and not a discarded set from an Eli Roth film.

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