Why New Orleans Is America’s Best Halloween Destination

Forget Christmas. Halloween is the best, most joyous, funnest time of the year. Sure Christmas has gifts, but Halloween has candy. Real candy, not that crap called candy cane. Because when mint is the main ingredient in a treat, it’s just mint, okay? Mint isn’t true candy. Mint is for your stank breath and that’s all. We’re getting sidetracked, but I’m not budging on this.

Back to Halloween! All the fun of eating candy and dressing up in sexy or puntastic costumes is great, but the best part of the holiday is being scared shitless. Having that sweet, sweet adrenaline rush straight to your brain and thinking, “OMG! WTF!” It’s an incredible surge — best recreated again and again and again in… ye old city of New Orleans!

Why New Orleans? Simple. All the “haunted” sites mixed with the allure of “Louisiana Voodoo” makes the Big Easy the perfect city for some frightful fun. Check it out:


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Saltwater swim 🏊

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This place is crawling with prostitutes and salty dead soldiers. My type of jam.

To start things off right, you’ll want to book a room at Dauphine New Orleans. That’s, of course, if you’re ballsy enough. The 200-year-old building that houses the hotel and May Baily’s Place is a hotspot for g-g-g-ghost sightings with many reportedly spotting apparitions roaming the hallways, courtyard, and even guest bedrooms.

I can’t personally confirm the stories because my stay at Dauphine didn’t include any ghosts shaking my bed as others have reported. I think it’s because I told the g-g-ghosts beforehand to “chill” and that “I’m too tired for all the bullshit tonight.”

As old as the building is, it’s no wonder it’s haunted, though. The hotel/bar was originally a convent-turned-hospital during the Civil War. So it’s likely the site of many dead Confederate soldiers still mad they lost the war. Then you have your dead prostitutes also lurking about and looking for some action. Yes, ghost prostitutes. So hot.

It’s true, before May Baily’s was a bar, it used to be a brothel where visitors would come far and wide for some sexy time in the French Quarter. Today, those same ladies of the evening still hang out and scaring men that enter the bar.


It’s the playground for the most powerful voodoo priestess NOLA has ever known.

A Halloween trip isn’t worth anything if it doesn’t include a stop to the graveyard. But the St. Louis Cemetery #1, located in the historic French Quarter, isn’t just any cemetery. It’s where Marie Laveau calls her resting place. Laveau, as any American Horror Story fan will tell you, was a “powerful voodoo priestess” residing in New Orleans in the 1800s.