I am the opposite of a domestic goddess. Once, in college, I decided it was time I learned how to cook for myself. I figured I would start with something simple. So I tried to make spaghetti and meatballs. It ended in literal tears.
There was red spaghetti sauce splattered everywhere. It was on the walls, the floor, and all over me. I was covered in more red liquid than Robert Durst after a night with the neighbors.
Needless to say, it was a total disaster. The meatballs fell apart and then burned. The noodles were overdone. And there I stood, sobbing, in the middle of a kitchen that could have been a Dexter set, knowing that cooking wasn’t for me. And while I can boil noodles now without the police being called, honestly, not much has changed since then.
It’s not even just that I’m terrible at cooking (which I am), it’s that I don’t like it. Some people take joy out of measuring ingredients and creating a delicious culinary experience. I take joy out of watching TV in bed while waiting for my Pad See Ewe to be delivered.
Which is where Trader Joe’s amazing frozen foods section comes in. Because my main goal when having a holiday party is to try to trick people into thinking that I’m in any way a competent human being in the world (actually, that’s my main goal in life, tricking people into thinking I’m a competent human). So I religiously use Trader Joe’s when we have people over. And I’ve become an expert at their frozen appetizer section. When I make these appetizers, I get actual compliments on my cooking. And in my (wink) “it’s not delivery, it’s DiGiorno” voice, I can say, “It’s not me it’s TJ’s. Delicious, Delicious TJ’s”.
So try these apps at your holiday party and fool EVERYONE into thinking you’re the best at #adulting. Even if (in reality) you haven’t done laundry in two weeks and are wearing a bathing suit bottom as underwear.
No one will ever know, my friend. No one will ever know.