Trader Joe’s Foods That Will Trick People Into Thinking You Can Cook

12.06.16 2 years ago 8 Comments

Uproxx

I am the opposite of a domestic goddess. Once, in college, I decided it was time I learned how to cook for myself. I figured I would start with something simple. So I tried to make spaghetti and meatballs. It ended in literal tears.

There was red spaghetti sauce splattered everywhere. It was on the walls, the floor, and all over me. I was covered in more red liquid than Robert Durst after a night with the neighbors.

Needless to say, it was a total disaster. The meatballs fell apart and then burned. The noodles were overdone. And there I stood, sobbing, in the middle of a kitchen that could have been a Dexter set, knowing that cooking wasn’t for me. And while I can boil noodles now without the police being called, honestly, not much has changed since then.

It’s not even just that I’m terrible at cooking (which I am), it’s that I don’t like it. Some people take joy out of measuring ingredients and creating a delicious culinary experience. I take joy out of watching TV in bed while waiting for my Pad See Ewe to be delivered.

But it’s the holidays! And I do like entertaining (plus I LOVE eating). So I’ve had to come up with cheats to creating a delicious dinner party experience.

Which is where Trader Joe’s amazing frozen foods section comes in. Because my main goal when having a holiday party is to try to trick people into thinking that I’m in any way a competent human being in the world (actually, that’s my main goal in life, tricking people into thinking I’m a competent human). So I religiously use Trader Joe’s when we have people over. And I’ve become an expert at their frozen appetizer section. When I make these appetizers, I get actual compliments on my cooking. And in my (wink) “it’s not delivery, it’s DiGiorno” voice, I can say, “It’s not me it’s TJ’s. Delicious, Delicious TJ’s”.

So try these apps at your holiday party and fool EVERYONE into thinking you’re the best at #adulting. Even if (in reality) you haven’t done laundry in two weeks and are wearing a bathing suit bottom as underwear.

No one will ever know, my friend. No one will ever know.

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