Walmart Is Opening A State Fair-Themed Restaurant And We’re All Pretty Much Doomed


Walmart is a place of beauty and wonderment, a magical land where you can buy food, apparel, toys, consumer home goods, strangely scented bubble baths and McDonald’s apple pies (to eat in line) all under one fluorescent-lit roof. And the chain that’s best known for its low prices, public fights, and soda-based 9/11 memorials is taking everything you know about its stores to the next level with a terrifying new restaurant that all of us will race to like lemmings.

Wait: Before you sniff haughtily and move along, you’ve gotta stop and smell the deep-fried goodness. That’s right! Deep Fried! because this restaurant is state fair-themed and it comes from Isaac Rousso, the same guy who brought the world cookie fries, bacon margaritas, and fried Pop Tarts (which actually sound really good, especially if they’re frosted again after being fried. And then fried again, just for good measure.)

The Dallas News reports that the first of Rousso’s in-store restaurants — called State Fair Treats — will sell “cookie fries and funnel cake fries along with corn dogs, deep-fried hash browns stuffed with bacon and cheddar cheese and some new creations.” God knows what “new creations” could mean, but you probably shouldn’t eat for at least a week before (or after) trying one. And you will be trying one, because Rousso’s looking to take over the “in-store dining” experience so many of us value at our local Walmart:

“There are many, many McDonald’s that are going to be transitioning out” of Walmart stores, he said. “We’re going to be looking at every opportunity as they transition out, to jump in.”

It’s important to note that Rousso’s dreams are currently his alone. While the company is leasing him space inside their store and is obviously rooting for his success and expansion, the store is a landlord more than anything else. Still, we can’t think of one person who could hear the phrase “fair food year-round” and not want to get in their car and speed down to their nearest Walmart immediately (okay, fine, we can think of one).

The first restaurant opens on September 20.

A quick brainstorm of potential dishes from Uproxx Life editor Steve Bramucci:

  1. Deep fried pint of ice cream. Like you fry the whole thing, with the carton, then peel the fried bits off and use them as scoops for the rest.
  2. Pizza bacon. A square of bacon, woven together, then topped with tomato sauce, mozzarella, and pepperoni.
  3. Cheese wheel balls. This is a 40-pound wheel of gouda. When you crack it open, you’ll find a hollowed out space filled with mac and cheese. As the macaroni slides out of the cheese wheel, you’ll find deep fried cheese balls. The original superfood.
  4. The Cookie IV. This apparatus will allow you to mainline cookie dough, rather than having to eat it. There might be liability issues, but the idea feels solid.
(Via Dallas News)