Life on the road is exciting. No doubt about that. But it can also get lonely. Staying in a town just long enough to take some great photos and tourist it up is a surefire way to make memories but a terrible way to make friends. This is probably why so many vagabonds and wanderers travel in pairs. And though we’ve asked couples about the impact of near constant travel on their relationships, we’ve yet to talk about the importance of creating relationships as they go.
Jana Schilling and Fabian Menzel (who you may recognize from our article on Vanlifer Instagram accounts) face a double whammy of isolation while living in a 1982 Mercedes Benz 407D named Fritz. Not only are they away from family and friends back in Germany, they’re also traveling through an entirely different continent as they motor down the Pan-American Highway. So when the duo offered to share their tips for on-the-road-socializing with us, we were eager to listen. What follows is expert advice on the fine art of friend-making.
Tip 1: Plan Ahead
Jana: When we were still in Berlin and we had our apartment, we hosted couch surfers, which turned out to be really, really great before vanlife. That way we got to meet so many people from all around the world, even before we went on our adventure. And it happens that some of them live where we would pass by. It’s such a great way to give to the travel community before you travel yourself. And then you get to see these people again. You already have a couple of friends on the road.
For instance, we met a girl from San Diego that lives in her van. She was traveling through Europe last year. Now that we are in San Diego, we got the chance to hang out with her again. She’s a local, and she introduced us to a lot of great people. She showed us a lot of places that we wouldn’t have seen if it wasn’t for her, you know? So, even before you start something, you can really think about that aspect. When we go further down south, we’re just really looking forward to reconnecting with these people.
Tip 2: Be Open
Jana: It’s super important to be really open to all sorts of people and cultures. When you’re traveling, the great part is that you go meet so many different personalities. People approach you every day, and I think it’s really important to engage with them and not push them away. Maybe even if they’re not really your type at first, always keep an open mind and be nonjudgmental because they all have these amazing stories to tell.
We were in the desert in this really small town, and we hung out at the local pub and met people. They had spent all their life in the desert. We learned about their experiences and how they make things and why they decided to stay in these places. We had some really great nights like that. That happens to us in a lot of small places. Pubs are always great places to hang out. Sit there for a while and have a couple of drinks and people just come up to you and start talking. It’s just great.
Tip 3: Don’t Wait To Be Approached
Fabian: You should always walk towards people, metaphorically and literally. When we were in Joshua Tree, for example, it was so busy there. We actually wanted to stay there for the night, but it was so cramped. We started a conversation in the campground and some people spoke to us. And that led to another person who invited us to stay on their campground. They were thrilled to meet people and it really changed the park experience because we got to stay inside both nights for free. Everybody else had to leave after sunset.
It is like, “I don’t know them. They look a bit funny. Maybe they don’t like Germans.” I have an accent and stuff like that. But really just get over it because most people really don’t care, and most people are actually super happy about being approached and being in a conversation.
Jana: I am actually quite an introvert, I hate going out. I literally hate it. Fabian was really pushing me there, as well. He takes the first meeting; I just sort of jog along. Even if it’s not your favorite thing to talk to people, just do it. It’s so worth it.
Tip 4: Don’t Rush
Jana: If you rush and just go from place to place, you never actually enjoy talking to people, really hanging out with people. We basically wanted to go down from San Diego straight to Mexico and start our journey there. That was the original plan. Three months later, we’ve barely even made it across the border because we have gotten caught up in so many places. It was such a fun time that we thought, “Well, we still have enough time to go down to Mexico.”
We really decided to hang out at one place for a while. When you stick around, it’s a lot more likely that people are going to talk to you. In the beginning, when you just look like a tourist and you’re just passing by, they don’t talk to you.
We stayed in Morro Bay, for instance, and we went to the same place at the beach every day and hung out at this rock. After a few days, people started recognizing us and saying hello to us. They came up to us in the morning and offered us coffee. We met a really great guy that way who was living in Morro Bay. He lived in his van as well, and we ended up staying with him for a few days. That wouldn’t have happened if we had gone to the beach once. It was a nice beach, but it wasn’t the prettiest place in the world. The visits were more about wanting to indulge in local culture
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Fabian: It’s super basic: don’t rush. But every time we tell people about our route and how long it took us to travel that, they are so surprised. People don’t do it. They say, “Yeah, yeah. I don’t rush.” But, “Yes, you are rushing.” Most people are; they don’t take the time. They don’t chill. They don’t hang.
Jana: The good thing about our journey is that we have a very open time frame. So, it makes it quite easy to say don’t rush. It’s obviously different if you only have a few months, but you can still try to take your time, even if you’re sort of on a schedule.
We traveled the California Coast for a few weeks, and it was very beautiful, but we didn’t feel like we were seeing the whole California way, so we decided to work on a date farm in the middle of the desert for two weeks. The people that we met there were just amazing. That farm was literally in the middle of nowhere; it took us three days to drive the coast. But it was so worth it. To actually live with somebody for a while is really a game changer.
Fabian: And you’re also actually working with people. We were helping out in the field and did that four hours a day. It’s that working environment. You work to get stuff done, and the afternoon is your free time. You can spend some time with people and really get to know each other because you’re forced to spend time together. Jana, in the beginning, was like “These people are a little bit funny.” And then after one or two days, you find out they are the loveliest people. They are used to seeing so many tourists, and once they realize you’re going to stick around for a bit, they open up. That was really precious for us
Jana: Yeah, we were sad to leave there. After two weeks (we didn’t stay there forever), it was like, “We would love to hang out with you people more, but we sort of have to move on.”
Tip 5: Explore As Much As You Can
Jana: If you’re going to one particular place, don’t limit yourself to that place. Also, try to see what’s in the area. For instance, when we worked on the farm, someone was telling us about an opera house that was in the middle of nowhere. The person who told us was performing and invited us to come. We saw a performance and learned all the history about this space.
This amazing old New York ballet dancer decided to move to the desert and build an opera house. He performed on stage every night for years, even if there was no audience because he just loved it so much. After a while, he got lonely performing to an empty house, so over the course of five years, he painted an audience into these walls so that it would always look like he was performing before people. For me, that was something really, really fascinating. I never, ever thought I would experience that because you cannot anticipate stuff like that.
We also found a place called Villa Anita that was right around the corner from that farm. It’s sort of this community of artists that built a house of community, but out of fashion, I don’t mean it in a bad way. They use recycled materials and they have 10 rescue dogs roaming around. This place was just crazy. It was very expansive and full of creative people in the middle of nowhere.
You’re not going to find this in Lonely Planet or any sort of travel book. You’re just going to have to go places and see what’s there.
Fabian: And people were super excited that we were so excited. That goes for the opera house and Villa Anita.
Tip 6: Have An Icebreaker & Push Through Small Talk
Fabian: It is very, very helpful to have an icebreaker. Our Mercedes is a super rare vehicle here, so what a lot happens is that people talk to us because they want to know more about the van. A small talk conversation about the car may lead to other conversations and maybe a lot more. This is a great advantage we have. We have seen other vanlifers say, for example: have a slack line. They put up the slack line in pretty busy places so that way they don’t need to approach people. Instead, fun people will come to them because they want to go on the slack line. Others have a super cute dog. That is also something that is helpful. The important thing is that you let it happen.
When people come to say something about our bus, I could also shy away. But when they throw you the ball, I think it’s good you play back. You’ve got to make that happen.
Jana: What you have to realize is that sometimes it’s just okay to sit with people for awhile, even if you know already that it can’t lead to anything long term. People have amazing stories to tell. We were walking along the beach in Big Sur, and all of a sudden, some Australian guy turned up. We could have just passed him and said, “We want to be alone on this beach.” We started shouting to this really nice guy, and we ended up getting completely stuck on the beach together and had to climb back up to get out because the tides were coming in. It was a really fun time, but afterward, we just said, “Okay. Take care. Goodbye.” There was no more to that, but I will still always remember that guy. It was fun two hours that we spent with him.
Sometimes it’s a little bit hard to get past the small talk because the first five sentences are really difficult. Push through small talk, it’s worth it.
Tip 7: But Go Deeper Than Icebreakers and Small Talk
Jana: The real experience sometimes takes you to places that might sound scary at first. For us, Slab City is a good example. Ever since we saw Into the Wild, we wanted to go and see that place. A lot of people just visit Salvation Mountain, take a picture there, and then leave. In fact, many people don’t even go there in the first place because it has a bad reputation.
Instead of doing that, we decided to stay a night in the Slabs. We looked for a place where people hang out and went to the library. We talked to the people there for hours and ended up having an amazing time with the community. One of them even gave us a tour in our bus and introduced us to the community. We saw a lot of things that tourists there never see and learned so much about how Slab City is organized and why people choose to live there. I was really blown away by it and I would love to go back in winter when there are thousands of people there! We eventually found that there is really no reason for its bad reputation.
Tip 8: Embrace The Domino Effect
Fabian: It is sort of an unwritten law that you meet great people and they have great friends that you get to hang out with as well. Let it happen. Yes, maybe you need to reschedule your original plans, but do it. Follow invitations; be open and polite. Quite often people know people in different places, and the connections that you make now can lead to great experiences later in other places.
We have had people give us contact details of friends in Mexico so that we can contact them when we are there, which is great!
Tip 9: Break Bread
Jana: If you do get to meet really awesome people, invite them for a meal. It’s always a great way to get to know them more, and people appreciate you cooking for them! It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. We are obviously limited with our cooking in the van, but half of the time, we actually cook at people’s houses. We have done that a number of times when people have invited us, did us a favor, or were really awesome! It always turns out so well, and we have an amazing time! You get to connect on a whole different level if you spend quality time around a dinner table together!
