If all you needed was love, dating coaches wouldn’t exist. But the truth is, there’s a lot more that goes into finding your perfect match than just swiping right and hoping for the best. That’s where the Conti sisters come in. They’re celebrity matchmakers (although their non-disclosure agreements are so ironclad that you’ll never find out which celebs) and they make love connections through their agency, Matchmakers in the City.
Bringing people together isn’t the only service the Conti sisters provide. They also offer date coaching for the modern single. Despite what anyone tells you, dating in 2016 is way different than it was even five years ago and tapping into the mind of the average unattached 20-30 something is what the Contis do best.
Recently, Alessandra Conti — the self-described “outgoing sister” — gave us the lowdown on what you really need to do to find love in the modern era.
If you’re constantly on Tinder, you’re not on your way to true love.
“Tinder is like the McDonald’s of dating,” Conti says, “and when you go on Tinder, you have to understand what you’re going to get. When you go to McDonald’s, you can’t except to get the quality of food that Il Cielo would give you. It’s not going to happen. You have to expect that you’re going to get yourself hurt when you’re doing that. The app is an illusion of choice.”
What does ‘illusion of choice’ mean? Buckle up because Conti’s not pulling any punches when it comes to your swiping habits. First of all, she says, Tinder’s a hook up app (which is why you don’t hear about a lot of people finding “the one” on the app and why study after study has been done to explain why it’s not working for you), and second of all, nothing on it is real. “You need to understand that when you’re using dating apps that it may seem like there are fifty women that you’re swiping, swiping, swiping, but I see the reality of these people when they walk into the office,” Conti says. “This is the thing: no one looks like their photos because of Facetune and filters.”
“The issue with a lot of men,” Conti continues, “is that they’re always looking for the next best thing. In their phones, they feel like, ‘Oh, this girl is so hot.’ Guess what, buddy — either A, you’ll talk to her for a month, ask her out, and she’ll ghost you; B, you’ll meet her in person and you’ll be like, ‘Oh my god, she doesn’t look like her photos’; or C, she could be amazing and the love of your life. It’s really a gamble.”
No, you’re not the exception to the above piece of advice.
This may seem harsh, because romantic comedies are always telling us that we deserve the perfect love story, but Conti says that you need to go into using dating apps (and dating in general) knowing that you’re special, but so is everyone else. “I always tell the women and the men, you are not the exception to the rule,” Conti says. “You are not the exception. You need to know that. You are not the exception.” It’s important enough that she repeats that phrase several times. That’s not to discourage you from finding connubial bliss, but helps make it clear that, in order to do so, you’re going to have to set realistic expectations.