Peyton Manning Victories Apparently Marred By Pigeon Droppings

09.13.12 5 years ago 34 Comments

There’s a renewed sense of excitement at Random Sporting Goods Chain at Mile High Field. Unfortunately, there’s also scads of pigeon sh*t. That’s right. Some Broncos fans say they can’t enjoy watching Pey-Pey’s NeckAIDS heroics because they’re too busy avoiding the fecal spray of winged rats. Are the waves of pigeon droppings merely the first in a wave of plagues being unleashed on the people of Denver for forsaking St. Timothy Tebow? Hard to say. But to easy to laugh at. So that’s nice.

Denver Broncos fans are seriously angry because pigeons living overhead are doing their business right into the crowd. Apparently, it’s been going on for years.

Fans in section 306 are saying bird droppings have continually hit them and nothing has been done about it.

“I found out a pigeon had pooped on the back of my shirt,” fan Allison Harden said of last Sunday’s game vs. Steelers.

“These are $250 seats. [We’re] sitting there trapped in this kind of a situation. Any moment a pigeon [will] poop on you.”

It’s an easy fix. Just release a bunch of falcons in the area. Then all you have to worry about is falcons. Eventually, the daisy chain of predatory animals escalates to the point that no one feels safe to enter the stadium and Broncos fans instead congregate to watch games in this Peyton Manning corn maze in rural Colorado. The forehead alone seats 60,000.

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