Logan Paul, at left.
One thing we’re sort of obsessed with around here with is the phenomenon of Vine and YouTube stars. They’re usually fluff-banged teen or post-teen boys that no one older than 25 has heard of, but who teen and tween girls follow more religiously than old Latin ladies follow telenovelas. (FYI, “Curbs Lurbs” and “Cool Shirtman” are parody, but “Jerry Purpdrank” is real).
For people as entertained by this as we are, this new TechInsider profile on Vine star Logan Paul (is there a more Vine star name than “Logan Paul?”) is like Stonehenge, or the Egyptian pyramids. It’s so perfect it’s hard to believe that it came together without some kind of magic. Here are my 10 favorite quotes.
10.
When he hired a financial planner and a manager, he wasn’t clear on what exactly those representatives were supposed to do. He told me: “I had to ask my manager, I go, ‘Are you my manager or my agent and why?’ He goes, ‘Do me a favor, watch “Entourage.” ’ I watched the whole season.”
9.
Logan signed the lease on an apartment in a luxury complex on Vine Street, a building that currently houses 6 of the top 15 Vine stars in the world.
8.
Logan has an original song, and “roommate slash employee” Mark is going to perform the rap part. R&B artist Brian McKnight is in the audience, looking and listening for the next big recording artist.
7.
He reaches for a handful of fries and swipes them through ketchup. “I don’t know, honestly, I could be comfortable with like, $2 to 3 million a year.”
6.
As for the Vine stars at the club, they look slightly more awake as Brian McKnight takes the stage and performs Bonnie Raitt’s 1991 hit “I Can’t Make You Love Me,” though one Vine star asked me later, “what song even was that?”
5.
This was a practice run. When we do it for real, T-Pain said he’s already down to do the rap part.”
4.
A guy I recognize as Vine star Rudy Mancuso is sitting next to me and overhears me asking Logan a question when he interjects — “Hey, you wanna hear the crazy stories? I have the crazy stories. You wanna FaceTime Justin?” He pulls up Justin Bieber’s number. Justin doesn’t pick up. Rudy blames the connection inside Macau.
3.
Perhaps that is the most remarkable thing about Logan Paul — not his money, not his internet content, not even his dreams of being what his dad calls “the next white Will Smith.”
2.
Logan will get his shot at performing his edgy song, “Stank Dick,” later this week, but next on the schedule he’s got to get ready for acting class.
1.
“I’m at the point where no matter what, brands are still going to come to me,” Logan adds, gliding past me on the scooter. “So I can start being a little more edgy. Like I could do a Vine for Fleshlight or something.”
You can read the rest of the piece here. Caroline Moss certainly gets my Pulitzer vote, that was one of the most sublimely deadpan pieces of writing I’ve ever read. And in case you were wondering, yes, “Stank Dick” was indeed the song T-Pain was slated to rap on.