White History Month – Brett Favre

07.12.13 5 years ago 23 Comments


“A Game Of Inches”

Brett’s exploits have been well chronicled here and other places so lets get something out of the way right up front (something Brett never has to do when checking for testicular cancer), he is almost as well known for coming up short in the bedroom as he is for exceeding expectations on the Gridiron. But I am here to tell you today that Brett Favres small penis is probably the perfect embodiment of White History Month in the NFL (not that we have small penises but I mean you know) and the BIGGEST reason he was such a absolute home run of a QB. COLUMN:

Brett won football games sure, and he threw alot of INTs, but football is truly “a game of inches” and because Favre had just a little bit less to grab onto then any of his peers he was able to extend alot of plays and avoided more sacks accidentally then his doctor trying to inspect him for a hernia. Most people have to get rid of a little spare change to buy some time in the pocket, but for Brett it seemed like he had all the wiggle room in the world. Being in the West Coast offense all he had to do was put a little slant out there and let the receiver do all the work. The system fit him perfectly,, like a water balloon.

As opposed to between the sheets, you could always tell when Favre was excited on the field. His Gunslinger mentality was as close as hed ever come to rocking a magnum on his hip, in fact a close inspection of either head should be exhibit A for White History the way he had to be smart relying almost entirely on placement and his oral leadership skills instead of power or girth. If he was in the shower or in the huddle he was like a kid out there, and not to be offensive but in retrospect the Packers look like geniuses picking Andy Reid over Sandusky to be there QB coach despite the dozens of drool covered resumes ol’ Gerry sent in.

NFL Sunday was a escape for Favre, a place where he could go deep whenever he wanted. Brett was reckless, always trying to cram things into unconventional tight places just so the person on the receiving end could feel something, anything. Often during a close game and trailing late Farve would take a chance and skip the Red Zone alltogether and go for two to come from behind instead of the traditional score, I guess Brett didnt feel right unless there was a little bit of friction.

And yes, Favre had a self-destructive side out there. The only person who has upheld more Favre challenges about his empty hand than Ed Hoculi is Jenn Sterger folks. But he stayed away from controversy for the most part- there’s no tuck rule debate about any of his big wins mostly because they dont make pants that go that low.

Maybe my favorite part of Farves career came when he did the Wrangler commercials for there new line of jeans that had extra room in the crotch for added comfort almost like he was winking at us being in on the joke. Here are some other absolute grand-slam winners of commercials by the same ad agency:

– “Tired of messing with two bottles in the shower?”- Brian Urlacher

– “Hooked on phonics worked for me”- Desean Jackson

– “Pick Enterprise, we’ll pick you up!”- Aaron Hernandez

As White men, the newest most discriminated class in America these days, we can all take comfort in the fact that Favre was able to do so much with so little folks. God bless you Brett Favre.

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