I watched Game 5 in a bar full of my anti-Heat friends. When Jason Terry sank that off-balanced, are-you-kidding-me three, a “U-S-A!” chant broke out first amongst my friends, then throughout the entire bar. When I asked why that started, I was told that what Miami did this offseason was “un-American.” So congratulations, Dallas, for winning America’s heart. Now to the rest of the winners and losers.
Winners
J.J. Barea: For shooting 4-5 from distance. Clearly the NBA gods were making up for his abysmal shooting performance during the first four games. A timely game to come through, might I add.
Jason Terry: Barea may have summoned the NBA gods, but Terry clearly made some ritual sacrifices. At least that’s the only explanation I can come up with for how he made that three to seal the game.
Shawn Marion: For finishing the game at an astounding +21 plus/minus. The next closest Mavs were Tyson Chandler and Dirk Nowitzki, tied at +14.
Brian Cardinal: For nailing that two-handed three. If only the camera had shown Rick Carlisle‘s face, which was probably contorted in some awkward combination of shock and fear.
Ian Mahinmi: Let’s ignore his inability to contain Chris Bosh in any way, and instead focus on his ability to only commit three fouls in eight minutes. That’s a 40 percent improvement from Game 3!
Brian Cardinal, again: It’s always funny when a minor role player so significantly impacts a series with his outlandish physicality. Sorry, Dwyane.
Peja Stojakovic: For not getting in the game. Because, let’s be honest – if Carlisle had thrown some minutes his way, he only would have embarrassed himself.
Juwan Howard: In just under six minutes, he went 3-3 on FGAs. The highlight moment was clearly when he received the ball at the free-throw line with no one around him. The ensuing thought process resembled something like “Holy sh*t, I’m open, what the hell do I do with this round object? Maybe I’ll throw it near that cylinder.” And of course it went in.
Eddie House: Clearly a loser for pulling his classic, “Don’t worry guys, let me take this contested shot instead of giving up the ball to LeBron, D-Wade or Bosh” (the shot was an airball). But he’s ultimately a winner because he recorded a +3 plus/minus in three and a half minutes of playing time.
Losers
Brian Cardinal: He may have single-handedly swung this series in Dallas’ favor, but we can’t ignore his -7 plus/minus. Okay, maybe we can.
DeShawn Stevenson: But we really can’t ignore his -12.
LeBron James: He may have recorded a triple-double, but think about it this way: compared to Game 4, he put up three more assists, five more buckets, one more rebound and two fewer free throw attempts. Not good enough when you’re playing next to a maimed Dwyane Wade.
The Miami Heat starting five: Congratulations, guys. You combined for an impressive -53 plus/minus, with a -10.6 average.
Mike Bibby: Two points in 15 minutes. Meanwhile, your more talented backup went for 15 points in 23 minutes.
LeBron James’ ankles: Which were temporarily broken by Jason “I’m only going right if you couldn’t figure it out by now” Terry.
James Jones: For losing playing time to Eddie House, of all people. If Miami ends up losing this series, at least he can say that it wasn’t his fault.
Joel Anthony: I’m cool with him playing great defense and grabbing some boards while only attempting a few shots, but last night took it too far. A stat line of one made field goal attempt, zero rebounds and a -9 plus/minus is not good enough for Game 5 of the NBA Finals.
The floor: For having to endure The Custodian’s constant flopping. I seriously think he hit the ground at least six times during the game.
Who do you think were the biggest winners and losers from Game 5?
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