Study Finds Patriots Fans More Douchey and More Credulous of Pointless Studies Than Giants Fans

01.27.08 10 years ago 75 Comments

As many regulars of the site are well aware, when Patriots fans feel slighted, they are wont to unleash a flurry of statistics and shoddily reasoned arguments in the comments section to prove that they are, in fact, only 87 percent as racist as we claim they are.

Now it seems Pats fans are getting out in front of us by boasting about research that, at least this dippy Boston Herald writer says, proves Pats fans are “smarter, classier and healthier and own pricier homes than the riff-raff who root for the New York Giants.”

Let us now cast a discerning eye on the results:

Some 62 percent of Pats fans living in the Boston area earned a bachelor’s or postgraduate degree or have some higher-education experience, compared to 59 percent of Giants fans.

Beyond failing to state whether that three percent difference falls within the margin of error, there seems to be some flawed methodology here. Fans in the Boston area? Aren’t they the NEW ENGLAND Patriots? Seems as though you’re culling from a pretty select sample of one fanbase and not the other.

Likewise, 72 percent of Pats fans live in homes worth north of $200,000, compared to 63 percent of Giants yahoos.

“Look how much aaah propahtee vaahyoos go aaahp once we chase aaat all tha daaaawkies!”

Pats fans consistently show better taste than their Gotham counterparts. We drink Amstel Light, not Bud Light. Giants fans slug back lots of whiskey.

This is something to be proud of? Drinking Amstel Light in lieu of whiskey? Not sure who the arbiters of taste are here, but Ufford’s rifle would like to have like to have a quick word with you.

We are likely to read connoisseur magazines like Wine Spectator. Gotham fans like to pig out on junk food like pretzels, chips and nuts. They’re also less likely to favor organic food than other New Yorkers.

Reading Wine Spectator is fine and dandy, I suppose. I enjoy me some vino every now and then (Read: drinking it now, will be drinking it then) but I don’t really bother to read up on it. If that’s your hobby, that’s cool. But bragging about reading Wine Spectator? Those are pretty rarefied heights of doucheiness with subtle notes of smoky asshattery. Also, I’m pretty sure every NFL fanbase is less likely to prefer organic food than the other residents of the surrounding area.

When Pats revelers aren’t watching football, they’re hitting the slopes skiing or going for a sail. They’re also more likely to belong to country clubs. When Giants fans aren’t booing Giants coach Tom Coughlin or punk quarterback Eli Manning in that New Jersey stadium they call home, they’re out practicing their tennis backhands in the backyard.

Belong to exclusionist country clubs, do you Pats fans? Shocker. And, to be fair, Giants fans practice their backhands on their wives in the backyard.

It’s also worth noting that the Patriots are an equal opportunity franchise, drawing more female fans than the competition. Nearly half of all Pats backers – about 43 percent – are women. In Giants country, just 31 percent of the fans are female.

The Patriots are actually done a disservice with this one. 100 percent of their fans have a vagina. That only 43 percent identify themselves as strictly female is a touch unclear.

There you go, Pats fans. Get your charts ready.

Thanks to miamidiesel for the tip.

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