Holy truffle shuffle, it’s been 30 years since The Goonies unearthed One-Eyed Willy’s lost treasure in one of the 1980s most popular movies. Besides giving audiences Indiana Jones-worthy adventure, the iconic comedy punched up the action with some great one-liners that are worth remembering. (Assuming they haven’t already been burned into your brain from repeated viewings of the film since 1985.)
From “Goonies never say die” to “Hey, you guys!” here are 10 Goonies quotes that it’s every ’80s kid needs to know.
Chunk’s confession — “Everything. Okay! I’ll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog… when my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out… but the worst thing I ever done – I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa – and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.”
Luckily, Chunk had only been causing mayhem for around 11 years at that point, otherwise this list would have been a lot longer. Still, that whole puke at the movies stunt is pretty unforgivable.
Mama Fratelli — “The only thing we serve is tongue. You boys like tongue?”
Some people just are just never happy with what you offer them, and they must be reminded to be appreciative. Mouth is one of those people.
Brand — “I’m gonna hit you so hard when you wake up your clothes are gonna be out of style!”
Big brothers have been using this quote on their little brothers since 1985 and it never fails to deliver the right message. Thank you, Josh Brolin.
Sloth — “Hey, you guuuys!”
“Hey, you guys,” delivered with Sloth’s enthusiasm, will never not elicit a reaction of joy and welcoming from a room — no matter where you are. Attending a relative’s funeral — “hey, you guys!” First day of jury duty — “hey, you guys!” Alien invasion — “hey, you guys!” It just works, though these are mostly untested theories.
Mouth — “Mikey! Come here and make me feel like a woman.”
Ladies, if the date has been going well and you REALLY want to turn up the heat, throw this zinger out there. Yes, the guy may give you a strange look, but do you really want to be with a man who doesn’t enjoy a good Goonies quote every now and then?
Brand — “If God made it that way you’d all be pissing in your faces.”
This one might not have everyday practicality — unless you’re teaching a human anatomy class — but there is no better response to accidentally gluing a statue’s dick on upside down.
Mama Fratelli — “Kids suck.”
Let’s be honest, the Goonies kids are kind of a-holes. All the Fratellis want to do is steal a bunch of pirate treasure and Mikey, Chunk, and the rest of their crew just cause one disaster after another. You almost feel bad for Mama Fratellis. Almost.
Mouth — “The marijuana goes in the top drawer. The cocaine and speed go in the second drawer. And the heroin goes in the bottom drawer. Always separate the drugs.”
It’s kind of surprising that this joke made it into the movie, considering the film is definitely a kid’s movie with mostly slapstick violence. I wouldn’t be surprised if the writers had to fight the studio about having Mouth rattle off a bunch of drugs and alluding that Mr. Walsh kept a sex dungeon.
Mikey — “Goonies never say die!”
Bust this one out anytime you need to give somebody a pep talk and can’t remember Al Pacino’s Any Given Sunday speech.
Mouth — “First, you gotta do the truffle shuffle.”
Okay, the quote obviously isn’t the star of this clip, it’s what follows the quote. There’s no way though, that I can honor The Goonies and not include the Truffle Shuffle.
