A company named JADS International is releasing a line of Avengers-themed colognes with Marvel’s approval. These will likely be available in April with a suggested price of $40 for the Nick Fury and Loki ones and $60 for the rest. Pictures of the colognes and their ad copy are below.
JADS seems to be assuming that Hawkeye and Black Widow aren’t a major draw, not even warranting a fragrance while Nick Fury (another lacking superpowers) has one. I can understand that with Hawkeye — the dude just shoots arrows? — but not with Black Widow. They are underestimating the market share for “people who want to spray the scent of Scarlett Johansson on everything they love,” and by “love” I mean love. Like couch cushions or slutty ottomans.
• Infinity Formula Cologne
Face danger with something dangerous. Activate the Initiative.
Colonel Nicholas “Nick” Fury. Paratrooper, Ranger, Weapons and Demolitions Expert, Aircraft Specialistand Pilot, Green Beret. Veteran of every US War and Military Conflict since WWII. Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. “The single most powerful, most important organization on the planet Earth.” And the only human strong enough to bring together a group of remarkable people who would fight the battles no one else could.
• Patriot Cologne
Your Attack Plan
A cologne that pays homage to the confident, stand-up-to-bullies, hard working average Joe in every man. PATRIOT Cologne is both reserved and sexy; like a symbol on a shield or a moniker on a motorcycle helmet. Fresh notes of green lime and white pepper are the first to hit with dry oak wood, sandalwood and tequila accords finishing the adventure. Perfect for any time or place, PATRIOT Cologne puts the Novus Mundus in your strong, sensuous hands for you to embrace and discover.
• Mark VII Cologne
Armor Up
A resolutely sophisticated cologne forged from the sea, the sun, the earth, and a touch of devil-may-care whimsy. Transparent, aromatic, and modern in nature, Mark VII combines mandarin, neroli, nasturtium and jasmine layered with light patchouli to create a contemporary expression of “I don’t play well with others” confidence; leaving you always ready for whatever a genius, billionaire, playboy-philanthropist might encounter along the way.
• SMASH!
Be Angry
Very unusual and rare materials have been brought together to create a woody aquatic cologne evoking both a serene sense of timeless freedom and a single-minded, unbridled passion for life. Yuzu, bergamot and tarragon create clean, clear top notes along with unexpected accords of water lily and nutmeg. SMASH! then carries an intense woody drydown enriched with Indian sandalwood, vetiver, musk and sharp cedar. Complimentary to a full range of emotions, it wears well no matter where-at work, the lab or an evening out on the town.
• Worthy Cologne
Possess the Power
This woody citrus cologne is a unique, meaningful combination of bergamot, frozen ginger and wheatgrass blended with a hint of fresh natural grapefruit and layered deeply with aromatic cypress. Basenotes are possessed with sensual, seductive tones of dark amber and cedarwood, protecting and enhancing a deep, dry masculine (dare we say almost God-like?) musk.
• Mischief
Made to Rule
Possessed of Superhuman strength, Genius-level intelligence, Mystical powers, Telepathy, Flight, Clairvoyance, Therianthropy, and Teleportation… who could blame you for becoming the greatest trickster of them all? So wear your crown of baleful maleficence with pride; let mirth and mayhem stand ready at your side, anticipating your every command. Test their mettle knowing you have nothing to fear; you are Mischief and you were made to rule.
[Ad copy and images via JADS International (via Blastr), Avengers posters via ThePlaylist.]