O Brother, There Art Thou

01.26.08 10 years ago 15 Comments

[Theme to Naruto ringtone]

Eli: Hello?

Peyton: ‘Sup Dong Wong DeMarco.

Eli: What do you want, suckbutt? I’m trying to watch old episodes of Goof Troop.

Peyton: Heard the news? I’m coming to watch my lil’ brudda play in the big game. Need a quick pep talk? A cell phone plan? A credit card? Flood insurance? Tasteful decor for your living room?

Eli: What? I told you to stay away, Pey-Pey. You know how I play when you’re around.

Peyton: Can’t just let you tie the Manning Family Record for Super Bowl titles that easy. Gotta pay your dues. I had to wait a bit longer for mine.

Eli: You’re just gonna let Brady win? Is that it?

Peyton: That asshole already has more rings than I’ll ever get. What’s one more?

Eli: I’m gonna tell dad! He’ll set you straight, like that year he made you sleep under the sink when you put the milk back in the fridge with only half a sip left.

Peyton: Tell him all you want. He’ll be right next to me in a big Oreo costume. We’ll be walking up and down the aisles selling programs and beer. We move product, youngin’. That’s grown man business.

Then we’re gonna pass out masks of my face to Patriots fans at six bucks a pop. Ruin Romo had a good ring to it, so this’ll be Make Eli Cry. A whole stadium of Peyton faces staring you down. It’ll be like that scene in Being John Malkovich where everybody is Malkovich.

Eli: You know I don’t watch grown-up movies!

This isn’t fair! I want my ring like Peyton has! He won’t share his!MMMMOOOOOOMM!!!!

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