Gifts For Your Tacky Brother

Entertainment Editor
11.01.10 3 Comments

Look at that sexy 6-pack holster camo belt.  Is this sweet piece of accoutrement something you could imagine your brother wearing with pride?  If so, this is the gift idea list for you.  The belt, by the way, is $9.69 Amazon or in other colors for $8.49.  Fine domestic lagers not included.

Listen, I’m not judging.  Your brother is going to need emergency underpants at some point.  No questions asked. $4.50 at PerpetualKid.

Your brother may not be tacky enough to drink Boone’s Farm right out of the bottle, but he’s not going to daintily sip from a little glass either.  The full bottle wine glass will let him drink cheap wine as it was intended: all of it at once. $22 at Amazon.

Does your brother carve elaborate, possibly offensive jack-o’-lanterns and leave them on the stoop for far too long?  Well, why not embalm that sucka?  We mean the pumpkin. Dr. Frybrain’s Pumpkin Embalmer replaces moisture in the pumpkin with a mineral and raises the pH level. The lack of moisture and acidity will stave off decay long enough to creep out the neighbors right up until your brother finally gets around to hanging up his sure-to-be-tasteful Christmas lights. $6 at DrFrybrain (Warning: website autoplays audio).

The Micro Samsonite is a carry-on sized hard shell case that also folds into a scooter in two moves.  What price do you put on getting arrested in an airport and having to tell people it was a suitcase scooter related arrest? Microscooter values this at £250 ($400 US).
This dog isn’t a flash drive.  It doesn’t store any data or tell you when you have new email. It only exists to make humping motions at your computer, and your tacky brother wouldn’t have it any other way. $10 at ThinkGeek.

There’s a Basque game called Jai Alai, where players try to play catch with a ball being thrown up to 150 mph or more.  The ball is both caught and hurled with a xistera.  Pictured above is a plastic xistera designed specifically for scooping, shaping, and hurling snowballs farther and faster than a regular throw.  As someone who actually had a cheap plastic xistera as a kid, I can vouch that using one of these to unleash the fury in a snowball fight is awesome, and probably something your brother hasn’t outgrown. $25 at Hammacher.

Dave’s Gourmet Adjustable Heat Hot Sauce has is a two-chambered pump spray with a cap you turn to choose the capsaicin level of your sauce.  Or, in your brother’s case, you close your eyes, twist the cap, and pump, Deer Hunter style. $10 at

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