Falco’s CFL Beat

07.09.10 7 years ago 25 Comments

Sorry hosers, Le Bron is taking over this week.

There’s not much going on in the CFL this week, so I thought I’d switch things up with a gamebook of ESPN’s “THE DECISION”–the big announcement from Le Bron James. While I normally wouldn’t post anything basketball related, there’s nothing going on in the NFL and the WBNA playoff races haven’t really started to heat up. Plus this process has been fraught with“Gilmore Girls” level drama. Will he stay home in Cleveland, or is he backing his suitcase? My hunch going into the evening is that he would be a perfect fit for my Utah Jazz. Here we go:

9:00 LaBron’s pink and white gingham shirt doesn’t offer any clues into where he’s headed. But it does remind me I need to go to Kohl’s before my cousin’s wedding next month.

9:01 I heard Chris Broussard used to be “Kid” from Kid and Play.

9:02 Jon Berry references “Trading Places”. I’ve heard good things about that movie.

9:05 Mike Wilbon lends some much needed gravitas to an otherwise festive atmosphere. He’s like a more dignified version of Morgan Freeman.

9:06 Stu Scott looks resplendent as usual. Love him or hate him, but the man’s got an eye for fashion.

9:11 “Photoshops” of LBJ in different jerseys. Just for fun, can’t they show him in a Deering Tornadoes jersey as a silent tribute to “Hang Time” (another classic that inexplicably is not on DVD.).

9:16 Another highlight package. Nice.

9:22 Time for the interview. I hope Jim Gray brings the hard-hitting questions. For instance, I want to know how he made his decision. I bet he used a decision tree. I swear by them. I used a decision tree when I bought my Kia Sportage, and I haven’t regretted it for a second.

9:25 Labron says that he didn’t make this decision until this this morning. That makes sense because he’s probably been too busy getting ready for his TV show tonight.

9:28 IT’S MIAMI!!!!

9:29 Le Bron, Chris Bosh, and Dwayne Wayne together at last. They’re the new Crockett and Tubbs. I expect a minimum fivepeat.

9:31 “LebRon, ow do you explain this to the people of Cleveland?” “Slowly, in monosyllabic words.” Ha ha, just kidding. Sure the beach is nice, but Cleveland has character– and you can’t put a pricetag on that.

9:33 Well, if Le Bron has his mother’s stamp of approval, then it has to be the right decision. A boy can always trust his mother.

9:41 Bosh is much more handsome with his new close-cropped locks. His old “do” was a tad too rakish for my tastes.

9:46 Oof, Cavaliers fans burning an old jersey? Wow, who do they think hung all those Conference Championship banners in Cleveland

9:48 “If Cleveland got rid of me, would my family burn down the organization?” Wise words, Mr. James. Wise words indeed. Enlightening, and not a bit defensive.

And King James tops off a perfect evening off by announcing that he other people are giving lots of money to the Boys’ & Girls’ Clubs. I think we can agree that Llebron has made this decision in the classiest, most respectful manner possible.

10:00 Well, you heard from Le Bron’s decision, now it’s time for Falco’s decision: this is awesome television!!! I wish it was on every week.

My apologies to all the Falcoholics who aren’t fans of basket ball. I promise my regular CFL column will be back next week.

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