The Emo Eagles Do Not Share Our Joy

02.05.08 10 years ago 31 Comments

mood: downcast :/
song: “Mad World” Michael Andrews

You mean to tell me all the other teams in the NFC East now have at least three Super Bowl titles and we have none?! Making the lacuna that is our trophy case all the more crushing, a void that stares back at you with mascara-lined eyes. This really very nearly curdles the arrival of the new Portishead album.

Why should I be happy for New York? Why should I be happy at all? It’s antithetical to Iggles fandom. Next thing you tell me, sports should be something you enjoy rather than a reinforcement of your bleak worldview. I don’t buy it.

Now, really. You guys didn’t need to beat New England, did you? I mean, who does that? You did it our way the first time in the regular season by falling agonizingly short. Why bother doing a crazy thing like winning? We’d already dispatched Arlen Specter to sap their credibility. That’s how you’re supposed to hurt teams, with passive-aggressive assaults months after the fact.

To steal a phrase, their quarterback grew up against the Pats; our quarterback threw up. Meanwhile, the Mets just wrapped up the NL East by signing Johan Santana.

It’s enough to make a guy brood silently and contemplate his mortality as it relates to the unfeeling universe.

[Sighs] Fucking Eagles.

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