The Best Moments From Lions-Bears

10.23.12 5 years ago 39 Comments

The Bears may not exactly have been what you could describe as completely dominant in their Monday night win over the Lions, but they had one of those games where they held off the Lions on so many occasions when it seemed like Detroit might make it a tight game that it felt like Chicago was toying with them. Even when the Lions got a late garbage time touchdown inside the final minute to make it a one-score game, the outcome never seem in jeopardy in the slightest.

That the Lions found countless ways to falter just as they threatened to make a game of it is bad. That said mistakes only served to justify all the pregame frothing that ESPN did for former Lions head coach and current Bears defensive coordinator Rod Marinelli has to make it sting all the more. I’m not even a Lions fan and it annoys me. Not that there aren’t a bunch of failed head coaches that have gone on to be stalwart coordinators, but it seems like some in the media try extra hard to explain away Marinelli’s 0-16 season as head coach with his achievements running the Bears defense.

Anyway, there was a presidential debate and some stupid baseball game on last night, so some of you may have missed at least some of what went down. Here was the best of it.

No doubt SportsCenter has played the Suh sack of Cutler that sent Cutty to the locker room on loop, but here’s a GIF of it, for your own personal loopage. Really, the best part to me isn’t even when Catler gets smashed to the ground. It’s when he’s screaming for dear life as Suh closes on him. That’s good petrifying fear!

Catler outwardly sulks and acts shitty towards people that it’s worth noting when he’s acting pleasant. And so Mike Tirico made a big deal about Cutty smiling on the sideline not long after taking the hit from Suh. What Tirico doesn’t know is that cats often purr loudest when they’re in pain.

It wasn’t Cheshire Cat smiles for Cutler. There was also the requisite public berating of one of his linemen. The announcers hail this as leadership. I see it as a prelude to Suh getting another chance to decapitate Cutty when these two teams meet again in Detroit.

Cat-on-cat violence. A Lions player grabbed onto to Cutty just as the Bears were flagged for a false start. Cutler angrily brushed him off. Then he went and alienated some more of his linemen, just to ensure his inevitable comeuppance.

Megatron for once not free of blame for the Lions offensive blunders. He had a pretty bad drop on the team’s first offensive series. Clearly he forgot to engage his Nike trademark Human Torch powers.

Calvin Johnson’s game would have looked a lot better had Charles Tillman not made this play on the ball in the end zone. It ended up being fairly significant, as the Lions fumbled on a goal line carry on the next snap. Tillman also forced Brandon Pettigrew to fumble on consecutive catches. Both fumbles went out of bounds so it was only the poor saps with Pettigrew in fantasy (yup, including me) who suffered.

J.J. Watt was the big star of the latest installment of Sunday Soundtracks. Along with random sideline screaming, they should him telling Ray Rice that he’s eaten bigger burritos than the Ravens running back. I totally believe you can man-sized portions of all sorts of food in Houston.

Tough night for Stafford. Can’t score more than seven points. Has to tend to his college mascot when it looks like he wizzed on the floor.

Valiant effort by this tiny Bears fan to save face when his larger friend swipes his “D” sign from him.

ESPN randomly introduced these NFL Blitz-style animations during the game. There was one for each team during the broadcast. I think they showed the Bears one more than once. Apparently, they’re trying to hard to appeal to the gamer demo who likes arcade-style action. Or they hope the awkward throwing motion reminds people of Tebow.

I don’t give I’ve given Lisa Salters any significant amount of thought since she became the sideline reporter for MNF. That’s generally a good thing. But for whatever reason, Salters felt like dressing up as Fireball Mario last night. Early test for a Halloween costume. Let’s hope so. Because Calvin Johnson is perfectly capable of igniting himself.



The most wooden of the wooden talkers, Keyshawn Johnson, is earning six figures bleating nothing whatsoever. Meanwhile, Wayne Chrebet is wearing a taco bowl for a hat and asking his kids, “does this make me look fat?”.

War Machine

What will Gruden’s obscure nickname of the night be, I wonder?

“Suh – I call him “Old Torpedo Bollocks”…”

Mike McCarthyism

You’re with me, sizzling skillet

War Machine

On the touchline, Since just before Nine
The Catler sulks tonight
Though his boss shouts, he just stares and pouts
The Catler sulks tonight

Wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh…


If I were a Lions fan, and thank God I’m not, I would demand that no assistant coach should wear a distracting as fuck red polo.

Cutlers Sulk

Christ. Cutler is now the new Stafford in terms of NFC North QB durability.

Mike McCarthyism


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