KSK Celebrity Super Bowl Pickakke: Shia LeBeouf

01.23.14 4 years ago 30 Comments

(via Getty Image)

In the weeks leading up to the Super Bowl, KSK has reached out to numerous celebrities to make their predictions for Super Bowl XLVIII. Today, we’re running an e-mail we received from actor Shia LeBeouf, who claimed he had a fresh perspective on who would take home football’s ultimate prize.

Actor Shia LeBeouf’s Super Bowl Pick, Which He Totally Wrote
By Shia LeBeouf

Broncos. Seahawks. Two names for two groups of men, waging battle for the honor of being named champion. And none of these men have asked why — why they toil, and for whom. What is this ideal, to be lauded as “champion”? Is it not nothing more than an abstract concept afforded meaning by men who died ages ago? Have these groups of men stopped to ponder what the experience means to them, as opposed to how they will be viewed by the throbbing, screaming hordes that surround them throughout their quest? By the scribes and the pundits who chronicle and criticize their every move? By how Joe Buck slightly elevates his voice on a 98-yard punt return?

I Shia LeBeouf think not. And how I Shia LeBeouf pity them! Should it not be up to the player to decide that his importance lies in his living, breathing, and feeling on the field of battle, taking joy in the reality of the bone-rattling hits and the smell of sweat and blood that envelopes him, rather than in the accolades of attaining some abstract and meaningless award as “champion”? I Shia LeBeouf mean, for Christ’s sake, the Ravens won it all last year.

And what is the Super Bowl trophy but a seven-pound, 22-inches-tall hunk of metal? It is not human experience! The assistant training coach receives the same ring as the quarterback who engineers the game-winning drive, but would anyone argue their experiences were equal? Perish the thought! Think about how many rings Matt Millen has, for God’s sake.

Instead, I Shia LeBeouf implore the warriors of this contest: be not caught up in the glint of empty trophies or the worship of the deafening throngs. Such things will fade. The throngs will forget. But a swift punch to the dick of Cortland Finnegan lasts forever.

It is you who must take the reality of your accomplishments and your triumphs over your own unwilling spirit, and hold onto them tight. For it is here you will find meaning, and from that you may yet achieve happiness.

Seahawks 24, Broncos 14, game ends on a Richard Sherman pick six which wound be fuckin’ BALLIN.

Written by Shia LeBeouf.

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