Tigers are a lot of things: predatory, majestic, dangerous. And, like any other species that has fur and is at one point tiny, they are absolutely adorable when they’re young. Still incredibly dangerous, and incredibly illegal to transport across borders, but you just want to pick one up and snuggle it all day long, making cutesy baby noises until it curls up in your lap and goes to sleep. Or maybe rips your throat out. But that wasn’t what a Thai woman was thinking when she sedated one of the adorable flesh-eaters and hid him in a big bag of stuffed animals as she was heading to Iran.
And her ridiculous scheme would have worked, too, if it weren’t for one small detail; bones do show up in X-rays. The woman was arrested and is currently facing charges for animal smuggling. The baby tiger yawned adorably and made five grown men with pistol-grip shotguns go “Aaaaaaawww!”
Meanwhile, in dog news, Italy has been taking laboradors and retrievers and teaching them to fetch tourists. No, these dogs don’t seek out annoying people in loud shirts and black socks talking loudly about how foreign the country that isn’t the one they live in is, and complaining loudly about how nobody speaks English. That’s a French program, and we wish them luck and urge them to train the dogs to attack testicles.
No, instead, Italy is training dogs to be lifeguards, and not just sit in a tower and running into the surf like Lassie. They’re training the dogs to leap out of speedboats and helicopters, grab flailing swimmers by the neck, and drag them to safety. If this sounds incredibly lazy, it’s actually pretty smart; dogs don’t tire as easily as human rescuers, and the dogs actually enjoy rescuing some bloated doofus who ignored warnings not to wait an hour after eating before getting into the water.
We fully expect these dogs to start showing up in Old Spice ads, appearing on Animal Planet, and just generally underlining that even breeds of dogs mostly esteemed for being goofy have achieved more in a few short years than you did, not to mention being far more manly and badass than you. We’re looking forward to that a lot.
- Thai woman tries to smuggle a baby tiger with stuffed animals? What’s sad is for Thailand, that’s not even weird. Thailand is like Florida without the sanity (Time)
- Italy is training dogs to be more awesome than you. We really wasted a lot of time hating on the French, didn’t we? (The Week)
- For once an annoying little yappy dog makes good: Missy, a “small breed” which no doubt yips at a subsonic level, pestered a neighbor until finally the neighbor followed the dog to its owner, who’d passed out. Still, good eatin’ on those things (MSNBC)
- And just to give credit to their nemesis, there are also heroic mailmen. Keith McVey gave a random dude by the side of the road CPR to save his life, the third time McVey has saved lives while delivering the mail. Hollywood has optioned his story, and you can expect Vin Diesel in “Neither Snow Nor Sleet Nor Hail, Bitches” early next year (NPR)
- There are less than 2,000 of Bengal tigers in the wild. And their numbers keep dropping thanks to poachers. Gee, thanks. Jerks. (Indian Jungles)
- Meanwhile, there are eight million dogs in animal shelters in the U.S. alone. So go adopt a puppy, dammit. Yes you! (Humane Society)