This isn’t the guy in the story below, but I wish he were.
A man in Washington state who was wearing a child-sized banana costume has been arrested for exposing himself in a Wendy’s restaurant before driving 360s in a nearby parking lot then waving a shotgun around while driving through a ranch. That is my favorite sentence ever ever. Wait, I spoke too soon. This is my favorite sentence: the County Sheriff’s Sergeant stated, “The banana costume has been seized and put into evidence”.
And now here’s an update to the story about the girls who robbed a man at an ATM by flashing their breasts to distract him. They’ve been arrested by French police, which is tragic. But what’s even more tragic is that they’re both only 14-years-old, and were joined by a 12-year-old accomplice. Suddenly, this story is much less hot, and if you disagree, have a seat over here. No, I don’t want a Zima. Why did you bring those?
Speaking of topless girls in trouble, a woman who was applying sunscreen while at a nudity-allowed beach is being investigated by police. Not just because they want her phone number, but also because another woman called the police. She complained that the way the woman was rubbing sunscreen into her breasts “troubled” her 12 and 14-year-old sons. Oh, I bet it troubled them all right. And the sexy sunbather’s lawyer offered this in the way of a defense: “Let’s be clear my client is tall, brunette and has an ample breast and is therefore going to naturally be sensuous when she applies cream to her chest.” Nice. So take note: if you’re good-looking, applying sunscreen at an Italian nude beach could get you arrested. And then you make-a you mamma cry.
- Is that a shotgun in your banana costume or are you just happy to see me? Oh, it’s both. (Arbroath)
- The “booby trap gang” has been arrested, and is much, much younger than expected. (Stuff.co.nz)
- Woman on topless beach criticized by Mrs. Buzzkillington for being too sexy while rubbing in sunscreen. (Uncoached)
- North Korea may have joined Facebook, definitely wants you to fertilize its crops in Farmville. (MSNBC)
- An environmental group in Australia wants to kill thousands of camels, pigs, and water buffalo because those animals just won’t stop playing the “pull my finger” game. (Gizmodo)
- The government in England paid for a 21-year-old virgin with learning disabilities to fly to Amsterdam and sleep with a prostitute. And he’s not the only one getting some taxpayer-provided shagging. (DailyMail)
KNOW YOUR STATS
- Jon McLoone built a computer simulation to figure out which word in the game “Hangman” would result in the player losing most often. The word was “jazz”. (USA1 via Reddit)
- Here’s an interactive infographic called “The World’s Top 100 Countries”. I’m not going to click ’cause I already know we’re #1. Wooooooo! *sculpts a bust of George Washington out of butter, sticks a skewer in it, deep fries it, eats the whole thing* (Newsweek)
I want more like this!
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