Hater’s Guide To The Post Season: Kansas City Chiefs

01.04.14 4 years ago 31 Comments

(via Getty Image)

I was going to happy for the Chiefs this season. Strike that, I was happy for the Chiefs for almost this entire season. Honestly, really excited for them! They started 9-0! Sure, a soft, cakewalk-y 9-0, but they might actually challenge the Broncos for the division! Andy Reid and Alex Smith showing the world they weren’t just the Eagles and Niners rejects!

Okay so then they lost the Broncos. Twice.

And then this happened:



Who cares if the refs missed the illegal formation — I mean, I do, but in a sport filled with bad calls, what can you do? — on the San Diego defense? Succop  — a player the biggest Chiefs blog called the HERO OF THE 2012 OFFENSE — has to hit the field goal. Reid has to make better use of his time outs at the end of the game. The game didn’t matter for the Chiefs playoff position, they were the only AFC team locked into a spot, but honestly. After starting 9-0 wouldn’t you want to at least give your starters at least a quarter of action to sharpen their communication after dropping five out of the last seven games of the season, including a division loss to the Chargers? Who doesn’t want momentum going into the playoffs?

Homer bitterness complete, let’s move on.

Chiefs Headress Is Not Okay

Wearing a headdress? Not okay. Sure you can say the team was named after a local politician and a fan contest back when the team decided it probably shouldn’t be called the Texans anymore (given the team’s Texas roots should be enough to hate them in the first place), but that politician’s nickname has Native American roots; they play in Arrowhead, they used to have an “Indian man” mascot and a Warpaint mascot. You’re not fooling anyone, Kansas City. The only reason you get off of the hook is that Washington manages to be even more racist and Dan Snyder is intractable idiot.

Charlie Weis? Coached there. Todd Haley? Coached there, and then said they sucked.

Haley NapkinVia Deadspin

Chan Gailey. Gutted by Todd Haley. Marty Ball. The only city where Reid would greeted with open arms and a sack of ribs. (Speaking of ribs, they have barbecue societies in Kansas City. And while I personally might not hate that idea, I’m sure there are some incredibly incensed vegans who hate Kansas City for that very reason.)

Their big rivalry? The Oakland Raiders. Adorable. Like watching too small kids playing hangman and the word is “monkey” or “rabbit” but they make enough spaces and everybody loses. Fans? Odds are a good 80% of them would rather be watching a college basketball game. They talk about being a small market franchise, but KC is actually larger than Atlanta and in all my years around sports, the only contingents I’ve ever seen come close to Steelers and Packer fans when it comes to out-of-town presence are Chiefs ex-pats.

Tony Gonzalez is retiring a Falcon and without a Super Bowl ring. Should have let him go all the times he asked to leave before. He deserved better.

I just cannot stomach even talking about Kansas City any longer. Enough. Just go away and be 2-14 awful again, just so you’re never in the position to really effect how the rest of the league functions. We’ll even put up with hearing Berman call you the “Chefs” for another twenty years. We’re done with you.


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