Have Aaron Schatz Calculate Who The Better Team Is!

02.19.09 9 years ago 85 Comments

The NFL’s competition committee, of which thankfully Matt Millen is no longer part, is taking a look at the always contentious overtime structure this week. We don’t much mind the way things are handled now, but there is some room for improvement. Here now are some wholesale alternatives or slight tweaks of the currents rules for determining the winner of a game that cannot be decided in regulation.

  • Best rape joke wins

  • Coin toss replaced by game of War.
  • Winner is the team Simmons gambled on (because that was the right play)
  • Victor determined by Cleatus the Robot
  • Final Jeopardy. And the category is Opera.
  • Teams have to climb the Aggro Crag
  • Have Peter King judge which team is the “clutchiest”
  • Mascots fight to the death


  • Hide-and-seek on stadium concourse.
  • Quarterback pie eating contest
  • Red Rover exclusively with special teams players
  • Overtime decided by Madden simulation
  • Head Coach vs. Head Coach in a 100 yard dash
  • Cheerleader Jell-0 wrestling (Giants and Steelers lose automatically)
  • Most Super Bowl titles wins (Steelers win automatically!)
  • 11-on-11 dodgeball
  • Roshambo for it
  • Breathalyzer challenge: both teams are supplied with a case of booze, first team to have a player blow a .2 wins
  • Winner of coin flip can choose a victory or what’s in the mystery box
  • Adopt all college overtime rules, minus whatever is deemed “too gay” by Roger Goodell
  • First team to score six points
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