Jay Cutler’s Wife Finds Out She’s Pregnant

10.30.13 4 years ago 59 Comments

Kristin Cavallari: Oh my god.

*checks the small plastic stick in her hand again*

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! *jumps around with glee*

Oh god, OK, calm down, calm down. Oh my god. Another precious baby! Oh god I’m so happy. OK, OK, Jay gets home from the gym in three hours. How do I break it to him? Oh god. Oh he’s going to flip. We’ve been trying so long. I can’t wait. What do I do? OK, special dinner, candles, expensive bottle of Merlot, gotta hurry. OH MY GOD.

*rushes out to the store, sets up everything, and collapses on the couch to wait*

OK, what are we going to name him … or her? God I hope it’s a boy. Or a girl. Oh my god if it’s a girl I would get her such beautiful dresses. Jay will spoil her to death. Oh I just —

*front door flies open*

Jay Cutler: Hey hon.

Kristin: *rushes up and flings her arms around her husband* I’m so glad you’re home baby!!

Jay: Whoa … you’re certainly, uh, energetic today.

Kristin: I just love you so much and missed you, that’s all! Can’t a wife miss her hubby? How was work?

Jay: Shitty. This groin injury is taking forever to heal. Rehab’s been a bitch. I’m exhausted. But at least I’m home.

Kristin: Yep! I put little Camden in bed so it’s just you and me tonight!

Jay: Cool. Wait, do I smell pot roast?

Kristin: Yep! I made you your favorite, just how you like it!

Jay: And there’s candles and shit on the table? What’s going on, honey?

Kristin: Nothing! Just sit down and eat up honey. Let me open the wine. You just sit back and relax and be the wonderful husband you are!

Jay: *sits down, digs into pot roast* Mmmm, this is amazing baby. C’mon, level with me, something’s going on.

Kristin: *sits down across from Jay, and sighs excitedly* OK, fine. There is something going on. I wanted to wait a little longer but I can’t hold it in anymore.

Jay, I’M PREGNANT! It’s true, I just checked and —

Jay: DON’T CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRREE *continues eating pot roast*

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