John Elway gets a taste of his free agent aquisitions

03.19.13 5 years ago 28 Comments

Last year Elway shocked the football world by nabbing Peyton Manning, mostly so he could send Tebow away and doom us all to free Papa Johns pizzas. Elway couldn’t wait to taste his new team.


Elway got a #1 seed and a glorious Peyton-esque playoff choke job for his efforts. But Elway liked the taste of Manning so much that he needed more salt licks to satisfy his cravings. Enter the 2013 Free Agency class, where Elway has been killing it:

He stole Welker from the Patriots

Claimed what’s left of DRC from the failed Eagles Dream Team to get the stink of Rahim “I can’t play deep on the biggest play of the game” Moore off of his suit.

He also claimed Terrance Knighton from Jacksonville, but nobody noticed because it was Jacksonville.

But Elway’s quest to build his own Dream Team fell short when Elvis Dumervil’s contract wasn’t faxed through fast enough, because apparently someone still uses fax machines. Elway was not happy about the news

 The Fax Machine has moved on to better opportunities.

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