Racists Anonymous 12 Step Program For Riley Cooper

08.05.13 4 years ago 30 Comments

We all know that the “N-Word” has nothing to do with race since Websters dictionary defines it as (3): a member of a socially disadvantaged class of persons, but the NFL media needed one last big outrage to get us through the end of the offseason so its no suprise they jumped all over Riley Cooper.

Fortunately the Eagles are getting out in front of this story and sending Cooper to rehab for his poor choice of words. While we’ve all heard of getting treatment for drugs alcohol or AIDS theres alot of confusion out there about what “racist counseling means.” Fortunately I got my hands on there 12 step program that Riley Cooper is going through.

Step 1: Every time you want to be racist catch a football instead

Step 2: Put sticker of Calvin peeing on a cartoon KKK guy bombing a church or something on your truck

Step 3: It sounds hilarious but the PC police will have a field day if you use the NWord in your Sunday Night football intro clip as a joke

Step 4: Continue to advocate for integration by still never getting any seperation from Black CBs

Step 5: Pam Oliver Sextape

Step 6: Ask Coach Kelly to film a video of the entire Eagles roster saying the NWord all at the same time=we’re a team here its us against the world

Step 7: Perform “Aint No Mountain High Enough” as a fun training camp skit+ask Desean Jackson to write a rap verse to it

Step 8: If you absolutely have to say the NWord to a teammate or at a presser, say the N—a Word= its like NWord Lite and will be a helpful transition

Step 9: Ask your QB if you can tag along to go spend sometime with him outside of work WITHOUT SUGGESTING one of his dogfights or his brothers court dates

Step 10: Make a pledge to donate 10% of your #CooperTrooper confederate soldier T-Shirt sales to one black person of your choosing

Step 11: In a way, it would of been more racist to have not used the NWord if you really think about it. Say this during your apology to your Defense.

Step 12: Call the media out for not jumping down Tebows throat every time he says “Inward Strength” with that little smirk

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