What Other Ailments Is Peyton Hiding?

02.16.12 6 years ago 75 Comments

Sports Illustrated’s Don Banks (DONNIE BRASCO!) yesterday dropped the nuggetbomb that Peyton Manning had a previously undisclosed fourth surgical procedure on his NeckAIDs during the lockout last year, and that the always cryptic, always whispering “league sources” believe that Peyton has developed bones spurs in his neck that will require additional surgery at some point in the future. At KSK, we know for every hidden secret that is revealed, especially when it comes to the cagey House of Manning, there are potentially dozens more waiting to be discovered. We’ll save you and SI some time and list them here:

Secret third testicle
Shy bladder
Wooden leg with kickstand
Actual battleship lodged in forehead
Can’t taste sour
Horn that is ugly even for a Manning
Spina trifida
Those parasites that made Fry smart in Futurama.
Prostate the size of a honeydew
Papaphobia (fear of the Pope)
Non-partum depression
Uncontrollable flow of breast milk
Faulty circuitry

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