White History Month – Head Coach Sideline Fashion

07.09.13 4 years ago 67 Comments

Happy White History Month folks! I’ve just been having a great time educating people of all races about White people and their contributions to NFL culture. Now, White folks and fashion usually don’t go together unless your talking about Italians- HOWEVAH (Stephen A Smith voice), White Coaches have always been fashion icons, only unlike Dwayne Wade and Durant competing to see whose capri pants can go up the farthest before Rachel Nichols has a cum from seeing their balls, White NFL coaches have always been more of a throwback crowd. Heres a quick tour around the history of White Coach sideline fashion over the years.

Tom Landry:

Landrys a type guy whod kick the Lumineers asses for not having real jobs. If Jerry Jones tried to install a 60 yard video screen above Landrys field you can bet your bottom dollar it would be playing “Gunsmoke” 24/7.

Mike Nolan and Jack Del Rio:

2006 was my favorite League Year of alltime. Between Big Ben bringing home the hardware, Goodell being elected commissioner and the “Season of the Suit” it was truly a breakthrough year for White Civil rights in the NFL and its important that we take the time to remember the sacrifices that brought us to this point.

Nolan wore a suit to honor his father who also wore a suit, kind of the same deal like when Eli thinks about his Mom naked when he’s having sex just like his Dad use to.

Bruce Arians:

I’m a thousand percent convinced Arians is the best Coach in the league. He guided BigBen to two Superbowls and also took the reigns on Andy Luck when Pagano took all that time off last year. Recently Arians informed Goodell that he was going to be wearing classic lunchpail scally caps on the sidelines next year “come hell or highwater” (I made that quote up but come on, he said it). The funny thing is you know Mike Tomlins already got a case of the “me-toos” but you can expect heavy fines when he tries to wear it backwards like he’s going to be asked to play the sax solo from “Young Americans” at halftime or something.

Bill Belichick: 

You hear us talk about full range of motion, well Bills got the opposite of compression sleeves take note Allen Iverson. Maybe if Lovie Smith had kept his flag in his sock like Ol’ Bill it would of helped his PNut Tillman style quick release, and he’d still have a job instead of flinging that flag whenever Cutler started having diabetic hallucinations screaming about how he swears DeAngelo Halls 6th INT hit the ground first.

Maybe the most fashionable White Coach, Andy Reid:

Even though Andy looks like a Transformer version of Batman where instead of a bat he changes into a leather couch with gout, Andy kept it functional on Gameday. The utility belt is the millionaire leader of mens version of the fannypack, ready for action whether he needs to ripout his headset because his QB is throwing up, or activate the escape valve to fill his suit with helium and float away to Kansas City after Vicks 4th turnover in the 3rd quarter.

Around The Web