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20,000 Calories Of Real American News

By / 08.12.10

When I was a kid, my favorite night of the week was Burger King night. The onion rings were like little angels’ halos, dipped in a golden batter and deep-fried to heavenly perfection. My devotion to classic American fast food worked out well for my family’s budget, too. And eventually it worked out well for my cardiologist, personal trainer, and tailor, but I’ll have you know that I am perfectly content with myself. I mean, it could be worse, I could be like…

An Ohio woman set a new precedent for breakfast cravings when she pulled up to a Toledo McDonald’s on New Year’s Day and demanded that she be served Chicken McNuggets. The only problem was that it was morning and only breakfast was being served. When informed of this teeny tiny little company policy, 24-year old Melodi Dushane climbed out of her driver’s side window and punched the drive-thru window worker in the face, as shown in a new video released by the Toledo Police Department this week. When the manager came over to interject, Dushane punched him as well. The manager responded by trying to pull her through the drive-thru window by her hair but was stopped by other employees. Dushane responded by breaking the window with a bottle. What kind of bottle? The kind that holds booze, of course, because she was plastered. She wanted nuggets, but she had to settle for two months in jail.

Dushane can be relieved, though, that she was hanging out with her friend Jack Daniels and not Jose Cuervo, because Taco Bell is at the center of a recent salmonella outbreak. Authorities can’t quite put their gloved fingers on the culprit ingredient, but they believe that the nearly nationwide outbreak was caused by tainted lettuce and tomatoes. Quietly, a nation of overweight children pumped their chubby fists for this small victory in the war against vegetables. Cases have popped up between Kentucky and Oregon, but the Center for Disease Control is unable to determine specific restaurant locations. So if you’re craving Taco Bell, make sure you pick one that doesn’t have a 60-foot bathroom line.

In global news, Wendy’s/Arby’s Group, Inc. has announced that it will open 180 new dual restaurants throughout Russia over the next 10 years. Teaming up with the Russian Federation’s Food Service Capital, Wendy’s and Arby’s are looking to help Russia continue to develop brand recognition throughout the motherland, and with that bold red hair, we think Wendy will fit in just find over there.

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  • Eat your clogged heart out, Hamburglar. There’s a new criminal in McDonald’s Land. (Time w/ Video!)
  • The CDC knows that Taco Bell restaurants are the source of a salmonella outbreak, but they don’t know which. Guess the disease source is Uproxx’s favorite game. (The Packer)
  • Tear down that arterial wall, Mr. Gorbachev! (Fox Business)

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[news-morenews]

  • Men’s Health details the 10 Worst Fast Food Meals. Among the more shocking omissions? Long John Silver’s Cajun Fried Whale Blubber Bites. With low fat BBQ sauce! (Men’s Health)
  • McDonald’s sees big gains in July, thanks to a new variety of fruity drinks and iced coffee beverages. Meanwhile, the McMayonnaise Creme Pie still struggles for acceptance. (NY Daily News)
  • New York City’s busiest fast food restaurants have everyone shocked after so many of them turned in A grades from the health department. Meanwhile, some of the fancier places are barely making B’s. Trust me, there’s a NYU/Columbia parallel in there somewhere. (Gothamist)

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KNOW YOUR STATS

  • More than 50 million people are spending upwards of $110 billion on fast food each year. In fairness, have you ever dipped your Wendy’s fries in a Frosty? I thought so. (Sweet Additions)
  • The average American drinks 1.5 cans of soda each day, which amounts to 6,000 calories per month. That translates to 21 pounds we could stave off each month by just drinking water. But have you seen what’s in our water? (The Healthy Eating Guide)


TAGSARBYSBUSINESSMCDONALDSRUSSIAWENDYS

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