America’s Most Blunted–They Grow Up So Fast

02.09.07 11 years ago 53 Comments

…nominated for the best rolled L’s
And they wondered how he dealt with stress so well
Wild guess? You could say he stay sedated
Some say buddha’d, some say faded

Some times drug use isn’t funny…typically when heroin is involved. That’s why we’re steering clear of the mess involving Andy Reid’s family, some things just aren’t ripe for mockery. Reid’s got a lot on his plate right now…no, joking would be wrong, let’s just move on.

How about a round of applause for the Simms men? Yeah Phil’s not the best in the business but compared to Bill Maas he’s a fucking wunderkind. Then there’s Chris with his measty toughness and his compulsion to validate his man-love in the most permanent of fashions. That right there is a pretty solid NFL Father/Son combo, plus they’ve got as many titles as all three Mannings.

More recently we’ve seen the emergence of another one of the Simms clan. Matt, the baby of the family, is a quarterback heading to Louisville. You might remember him for acting like a total douchebag in a high school football game. It was starting to look as if the Simms family had found its black sheep, somebody who offers nothing in the form of entertainment. Well shit done changed and I have a new favorite Simms.

Look at those hands.

Look closer.

Look at that cocktail napkin.

Look closer.

Mmmm…that looks like it’s gonna make one hell of a tasty blunt. And as everybody knows, it’s not a party unless you’ve got your Goose on.

Matt Simms, we salute you…unless you’re just breaking up weed for the black dude to twist, in which case you’re still a bitch. You gotta be self-reliant if you’re going to college.

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