01.12.09 9 years ago 55 Comments

The Steelers were the only home team not to epically choke or shit the bed this weekend, so by default this makes them the team to beat in the NFL for at least the next week. And with team-to-beat status comes team-to-hate status. So inveterate Steelers haters are out in force and regular casual haters are drawn to them like a moth to flame. So be it. I won’t try to tell you otherwise. In fact, I’ll even throw you a bone with a bunch of pictures that are ripe for ridiculing. Like the above photo of Michael Rapaport me with Steely McGayHorribleMascot. He even gave me a half-eaten Primanti’s sandwich after burning my scrotum with his manly stubble.

Share for a moment, commoner, how a man of considerable means and influence watches NFL football live. The very idea of my life’s extravagances must seem almost comical to you. Why, just the other day, I threw out half a bottle of Yellow Tail Reserve. Only a privileged few can dream of such profligacy. But, yes, even from a remote, frigid vantage point, I can’t say I didn’t enjoy the game. I will always treasure my memory of watching Philip Rivers get DDTed from a quarter mile away. I was 80 percent sure he wasn’t Jacob Hester!

THE LEGENDARY STILLERS NATION WITH ODDLY FOND MEMORIES OF MERRIL HOGE! Jesus, you’re docked points already for not immediately trying to disassociate that fucktaster from the team. But then you get a customized version of the Steelers current uniforms to ascribe his name? THE ANACHRONISM MAKES IT WORSE!

Speaking of customized atrocities, “MILLERLITE” with number 69 is probably the worst I’ve ever seen, and someone else at the stadium had one that said “IRONCITY” on the back. Apparently the Steelers signed every shitty beer to roster spots and I was not made aware.

I see what you did there.

See, you think I’m trying to poke fun at the Chargers fans here, but I actually kind of dig the lucha libre get-up. In fact, I would only level a gun at them out of a sense of duty, but make sure to nail the Steelers fan IN THE FUCKING TOMMY MADDOX JERSEY BEHIND THEM! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE! USE THE HURRICANRANA, GUYS!

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