Daddy Juice — KSK Kontent Klearinghouse

02.12.13 5 years ago 42 Comments

A couple outlets reported that O.J. Simpson held a Super Bowl party inside his jail cell. Must have been bittersweet seeing Ray Lewis go out like that. But the National Enquirer has much more salacious O.J. nuggets, specifically that The Juice caught the gay! Sure, because it’s the National Enquirer, it’s probably total bullsh*t, but let’s all point and laugh anyway:

After nearly five years be­hind bars, O.J. Simpson’s bizarre be­havior has some of his close friends worried that the former football great has gone gay!

“Now O.J. has way too much interest in guys, and he likes to show off his body to the hardened felons when they exercise in the prison yard. He’s doesn’t even talk about women, just about guys.”

“It doesn’t sound to me like he’s straight anymore!”

“He couldn’t stop talking about Baltimore Ravens receiver Anquan Boldin,” noted the source. He said, ‘Anquan is my man! What a great look­ing guy!’

“Clearly, he wasn’t admiring Boldin just for his football skills. He kept going on about him and some of the other players in a tone that sounded sexual to me.

Perhaps the biggest tip-off that O.J. may now be playing for the other side is his choice of prison companions, according to the source. He says the former la­dies’ man hangs out with a group of open­ly homosexual men known as “The Girls.”

“Whenever he’s let out into the prison yard, he stays with them,” revealed the insider. “He says, ‘The Girls treat me like I was a king!’

“He claims they flirt with him and even give him massages. Some even call him ‘DJ’ – short for ‘Daddy Juice.’ ”

Calling dibs on “Daddy Juice and The Girls” for my fantasy team name next year.

— The Bears released Johnny Knox, who hasn’t seen action since suffering a serious back injury in December 2011. Chicago fans will fondly recalls him as “the best of our crappy receivers for a while.”

— Dwight Freeney did a Funny or Die video about being a secret golf fan. It’s funny because he’s not supposed to like golf, I guess? That he has a bunch of episodes of “Girls” on his DVR made me laugh, until I figured that he’ll probably be screwing Lena Dunham sometime next season.

— The Lions 2013 calendar includes four players no longer playing for the team. In other words, suitably depressing for a Detroit Lions team calendar.

— The NFL has contingency plans for next year’s Super Bowl in case there is extreme winter weather. That alone will sustain another few months of sportswriter bitching about a cold weather Super Bowl.

— Ed Reed with Jacoby Jones at the Mardi Gras Zulu Krewe parade. Guess we finally found out who got the second ticket to paradise.

— The Redskins official site fired back at the critics with a post saying that the team is as proud as the 70 high schools that also bare the name. You know what this means: Florio to soon call for RGIII to take a stand against the kids.

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