Kommenter Draft: Pitching the Next Sharknado

07.12.13 4 years ago 137 Comments

This is not one of Banksy’s pieces. But only because he didn’t think of it first.

Everyone watched Sharknado on Syfy last night, right? If my Twitter feed is any indication, it was viewed by somewhere between 400 and 40 million people. I hope you were among themm, because SPOILER ALERT…

That ending was a thing of beauty. The only way it could have possibly been better is if Tara Reid had died. Wiping shark blood off of Ian Ziering’s face to go in for the “I forgive you for whatever caused our divorce because you killed the sharknado” kiss was a decent consolation, but they could have done better. Imagine if a shark had started to eat Tara Reid only to choke and die, leaving her body stuck in its throat with her head sticking out of its mouth. Then cue up a cheap unlicensed version of Don’t You (Forget About Me) and roll credits. NO SEQUEL FOR YOU, BUNNY LEBOWSKI.

But forget the sequel talk for now, because this week we are drafting pitches for Syfy’s next big random Thursday night in the middle of summer crapfest. You pick a concept, and flesh it out a bit with a title, and possibly a leading man or lady.

With the first pick I’m taking Pirainha. It’s got everything they’re looking for. It has two words jammed together to make a new word, it sounds threatening as hell, and it’s entirely derivative. The film features Tila Tequila as a stripper who teams up with a Brazilian scientist/Nazi experiment to find out why it started raining piranhas all over Las Vegas. Look out for cameos from Randy Quaid and Tara Reid (who dies in the film’s opening scene after unwittingly swallowing a baby piranha that falls into her glass of iced tea).

Make your pick in the comments.

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