Mount Flushmore – AFC West

06.11.13 4 years ago 38 Comments

Thanks for your submissions you guys sure do hate alot of football players and coaches which is good because it holds the National Football League to a higher standard= hate is good. Just like the real Mount Rushmore,,the AFC West is a natural wonder of a division in that I wonder why they even bother televising Chiefs Raiders twice every year. In a world filled with your Terrell Priors, Donatris Poes, Davis famlies, and David Bostons its tough to narrow it down to 4 per team but I tried.


Kansas City Chiefs:

Andy Reid- (NFL is a results based league and right now hes the altime least winning coach in club history thats a fact),

Lin Elliot (Kommenter submission)- Im hesitant to put a kicker anywhere near one of my columns since there not really football players but this guy is a alltime dope of a human=missed 3 FGs under 42 yds and let road-grading son of a gun Jim Harbaugh knock the Cheifs out of the playoffs

Jovan Belcher- I mean come on

The 2008 QB depth chart- This is why the Chiefs almost shouldnt be allowed to have a Mount Flushmore. At least with the Raiders they have agressively bad players and like supervillians who you know almost get a kick out of being really bad at there jobs. With the Cheifs I just dont know how much of a strongtake it is to rub in the fact that for a Entire Year they had the triumphverate of Brody Croyle, Damon Huard and Tyler Thigpen leading the team and honest to God they were making fans pay money to watch the games.


San Diego Chargers:

Ladanian Tomlinson- BLT ate his way out of being a elite running back and single-ankledly cost the Chargers a shot at a Superbowl by pretending he was to injured to play on a sprain when Ol Phil Rivers was out there gutting it out on 1 knee. Its no wonder Marty hit the road with this guy picking and choosing when he want’s to play- Marty needs  oldschool guys like Marcus Allen who woudnt know how to spell ACL much less be able to articulate pain to a trained medical profesional. LTs the classic example of a Stat-Back who cared more about YPC then he did about RPY (rings per year which is the only real stat that matters FYI).

Norval Turner- The only thing worse then having a average leader for a year is keeping him around for 6 years and expecting different.(Obama) “Hows that hope and changey stuff working out for you?”-Thomas Jefferson. Norv inherited a bonefied leader in Phil Rivers but instead elected to turn his offense over to speed-first running backs which is like letting your dog decide which baby your going to adopt based on how much poop they currently have in there diaper.

Junior Seau- I mean come on

Rodney Harrison- Rodney only learned to harness his outrageos style of play when he had a Belichick demanding acountibility out of him. When he was in SD he spent more time day dreaming about whether or not it was Gay to look at Ed McCaffreys butt when he got burned deep then he did correcting his pad-level discipline issues.


Denver Broncos:

Shannon Sharpe- The Broncs won 2 Superbowls in spite of Shannon not because of him. Shannon spent most of his offseasons acting in financial investment commercials which makes about as much sense as Brett Farve selling those new Wranglers with extra room in the crotch for comfort. Hes always had a big mouth and was the beginning of the end of the TE position as it transitioned from a fast-twitch OT-type guy to a buffet addicted “Diva Receiva.”

Mark Schlereth- Anytime a guy can fill his lombardi trophy case AND the backseat of his pants at the same time you have a guy who deserves a spot on a toilet list. Its no secret that Denver has the best turf in the league but thats mostly from the fertilizer that Stink would lay down on the 35 yard line every Sunday and you have to include a guy that treats the space between the numbers at Mile High like his own personal Mount Flushmore.

Maurice Clarrett- Maurice literally put vodka in his water bottles at practice and got sent to jail for armed robbery which put him on a diffrent type of 53 man roster alltogether. He also quit college after a year in a attempt to extort the group of people who paid for his free education. There should be a law allowing drone strikes here in the US if he and Titus Young are ever in the same zip code.

Rahim Moore- There are honestly only 6-10 plays per game where Im confident i can do a better job then most of the players on the field,, and when you get burned by a 70 yd Flacco-bomb to lose in the playoffs, thats going on my list. It wouldnt suprise me if Manning and Elway all pulled a Schlereth after watching Jacoby Jones cripwalk into the endzone.


Oakland Raiders:

I think were going to need a bigger internet folks.

Jason Cambell- Jason might be the only player to appear on more teams’ Mount Flushmores then he got answers correct on the wonderlic. Im a firm believer that a QB whose only good enough to win consistently 6-9 games per year is actually a worse QB then one who gets you to 4-12,, people forget that.

Lane Kiffin- If you can make reporters write columns saying how intelligent, thoughtful, and poised Al Davis looks by comparison you have reached a new level of BM. “Kiffining” is the new internet craze and its where you basically walk around at work with a waste-band tuck boner and a short tshirt so everyone can see only the head of your weiner then you call them Gay for looking at it.

Rolando McClain- His firing from the Raiders for trying to kill half the drive-thru workers in Alabama was only the second most embarassing Rolando firing of alltime behind this guy who got arrested for pretty much having a small private part.

JaMarcus Russel- You cant blame Al Davis for not knowing that his scouts were being literal when they said JaMarcus had “just a unbelievably big arm.” Russell was looked at as a cant miss prospect in the sense that he was as big as the broad side of a barn folks. Do you know how much a zebracake enema costs? Jamarcus does.

Next up we have the AFC South so leave your nominations in the comments or send me a email at

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