It was first reported two years ago that Ray Lewis uses a mouth spray derived from the velvet on deer antlers. This apparently works like HGH, even though it sounds like the bullsh*t herbal remedy version of a performance-enhancing drug. Nevertheless, it is a substance banned by the NFL. Though because it shows up in the bloodstream and not in urine, it is difficult to detect by NFL tests. So kudos to the NFL for banning a substance and not bothering to properly test for it.
Sports Illustrated has a story in their upcoming issue with the stupid Ray Lewis cover that there is a taped conversation from October between Ray-Ray and a sketchy distributor of antler spray that incriminates Bambi’s Linebacker.
In summation: Ray Lewis is a filthy murdering cheater who stuck deer antlers in his peehole. Or something to that effect. I don’t know. Just have him go away forever.
As much as the shame of Ray Lewis being suspended for the final game of his career would delight us all, having Ray Lewis out of the lineup probably improves the Baltimore defense. I’m slightly more concerned with Baltimore losing than Ray Lewis ending his career in disgrace. Though if he does play and the Ravens lose, we get both. Both is great!
— Volkswagon made a Super Bowl commercial that is probably getting banned before the game airs because it has a white guy affecting a Jamaican accent. Could have got away with it if they just said he was a classmate of Atari Bigby at the University of Jah.
— The Rams reportedly hired Wolfman Rob Ryan to be their defensive coordinator on Monday night, but apparently once they sobered up Tuesday morning that was no longer a thing. That’s okay. Rob didn’t like the quality of trim in St. Louis anyway.
— Jim Harbaugh discussed the trademark Sharpie worn around his neck on gamedays.
— Dan Synder said that he fired Vinny Cerrato because the former Redskins GM didn’t carry out his responsibility of stopping Snyder from making terrible decisions, specifically the hiring of Jim Zorn as head coach. That said, the alternative choice that the Redskins were considering was Jim Fassel, so rest assured, horrible decisions would have happened either way.
— The Bills will reportedly continue to play a game in Toronto for at least five more years, so congrats on fronting Ralph Wilson all that money for stadium repairs, people of Buffalo.
— Kristin Cavallari doesn’t want the son she had with Jay Cutler to play football. Is it because the sport is dangerous or because her husband looks so miserable playing it?
— Randy Moss proclaimed himself the greatest receiver of all-time at Media Day, giving sports media the greatest gift he possibly could: the opportunity for HOT SPORTS TAKES! In other news, Moss’ expression in that pic is my default emotion for Media Day.
— Former 49ers and Raiders tackle Kwame Harris charged with domestic assault for beating his ex-boyfriend last August. Nice to see that gay football players have the ability to be as horrible as straight players.