Sean Taylor Memorial Meast of the Week – Week 4

10.07.09 8 years ago 30 Comments

Jared Allen has Aaron Rodgers in his crosshairs.

This week’s Meast is none other than Jared Allen of the Minnebretta Favrekings. Allen plowed through Green Bay’s Clifton-less line for 4.5 of the team’s eight sacks. He later celebrated by shooting a black bear and feasting on it’s precious sustentative gallbladder.

You can’t have a Meast without a Least, and this week’s ignominious award goes to Eli Manning’s happy feet…

Int. hospital, later that day

Doctor: So Eli, after examining your foot I’m fairly certain that what you’re suffering from is a fairly common condition called plantar fasciitis.

Eli: Planters is fascist? But I love their nuts.

Doctor: No Eli, what I’m saying is that you have something called plantar fasciitis in your foot.

Eli: Can I ask you something?

Doctor: Of course.

Eli: Is Mr. Peanut involved?

Doctor: I’m telling you this has nothing to do with Planters or their corporate mascot.

Eli: Man, I should have known. Moishe has been warning me about that Jew-hating peanut for years.

Doctor: You’re not understanding me. I’m trying to tell you that I believe you have a medical condition inside of your foot that’s causing you considerable pain.

Eli: Okay doc, just tell me one thing. How did Herr Peanut get into my foot?

Doctor: I’m sorry, do you have some sort of guardian I could speak with?

Eli: Mom’s coming to pick me up when the little hand gets to the 7.

Doctor: Very well, perhaps I’ll speak to her then.

Eli: Sure thing doc, but leave out the part about the Nazi peanut. I don’t want Mom getting wrapped up in anything too messy.

Doctor: She doesn’t have to know anything about it.

Eli: Good, because I think I know just the man for this job.

Doctor: What are you talking abo-

Eli: [begins humming Comin’ Home]

Olivia Manning: ELISHA NELSON MANNING, I thought I told you to stop playing Inglourious Basterds! Now come with me, we’re going home.

Eli: But Moo-oom, I have to kill Mr. Peanut!

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