The KSK Sex & Fantasy Football Mailbag: Tearing off Band-Aids

09.12.13 4 years ago 87 Comments

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This week’s banner image comes via another article about sex called  What Your Genitals Might Say About You. It’s funny, and you should read it once you get done sifting through this week’s mailbag, a monstrosity that goes on for almost 6000 words. YOUR MOVE, PETER KING.

On to your questions:

Dear KSK,
FANTASY: I’m in a standard, 12 team league. I am by no means an NFL or fantasy expert, but I like sports and know a good amount for a chick. I REALLY want to win my league, but I am having some qualms about the way I go about doing this.

This league doesn’t seem to be competitive. Like, nobody has even started to talk shit and most people haven’t even named their teams. Lame, right? So I feel like it is my prerogative to use all of the fantasy tools at my disposal — including my secret weapon, a male friend of mine who is a fantasy genius. Now, I do feel guilty about this. He was on the phone with me when I did my draft and gave me all these intense spreadsheets and I’ve been constantly getting his advice about my lineup (it is legit). Is this cheating? If it is cheating, does it matter? Am I just rationalizing because my drive to win is clouding my judgment? How annoying is it to have a girl in the league who is getting outside help?

I’m not bothered in the least by it. For all you know, your fantasy genius friend could be full of shit. And I say that not to besmirch your friend, but as someone who specifically studies fantasy football AS A JOB and recognizes that injuries and statistical variance make the business of fantasy prognostication a crapshoot. So use your pal’s spreadsheet or a pay service or this mailbag and my dumb videos, but none of that “expertise” will prevent C.J. Spiller from tearing his ACL. I’ll still keep doling out the snake oil.

SEX: I’m not old, but I’m not so young anymore, either (I’m on the far side of 26).

GASP! Your ovaries must be sad, dried-up husks.

I live in D.C. where you would think there are thousands and thousands of men who are funny, mature, smart and cool, but in my 2+ years here, this just isn’t the case.

I just don’t know where to meet guys (besides at work, which as you have said repeatedly and I know now from experience, is a BAD idea). I know you give male readers plenty of tips on how to meet women, but how do women meet nice men? I am getting too old to talk to random guys in bars, and while I have no judgments about online dating, I don’t personally feel comfortable doing it. So why can’t I meet any good guys? Is it because I’m a Cowboys fan?
Ramona Neopolitano

Being a Cowboys fan is NEVER a plus, but it doesn’t stop men from wanting to have sex with their cheerleaders, so I suspect you’re in the clear as long as you have breasts and all the working parts men usually go for.

D.C. can be a tough town to love if you’re not enamored with the governmental/political/international mechanisms at work. Personally, I find the khakis/blue blazer crowd of young aspirants to be too much of a bore, but you should know that I’m negatively influenced by my experiences as a young Marine lieutenant desperately trying to meet social-climbing women in Georgetown on my weekends away from Quantico. For those of you familiar with the city: yes, I know how stupid that sounds. There’s a reason this column is written by Matt Ufford in his 30s, and not the Matt Ufford who slept in the alley behind Third Edition on the weekend of his 22nd birthday. Not my finest moment.

ANYWAY. Back to you, dear Ramona. If you’re not interested in online dating (which, despite its downsides, can be very efficient), I recommend finding neighborhoods and bars that fit your personality and temperament. Like, if I were 29-year-old Single Me, I wouldn’t be at clubs in the Meatpacking District bemoaning that it was too hard to meet smart girls. I’d be at neighborhood bars, establishing relationships with good bartenders who could serve as de facto wingmen on the off chance some laid-back cool chick sauntered into the bar.

Which is to say: find the places in the city that satisfy and fit YOU as a person. Be happy in those places, and like-minded people will be drawn to you.


Dear Cap,
Fantasy: I’m in a 1pt PPR league. 2wr, 2rb, 1 flex spot. My running backs are Arian Foster, Steven Jackson, Eddie Lacy and Bryce Brown. My WRs are Fitzy, TY Hilton, Greg Jennings, Stevie Johnson. TE is the star of week 1, Zach Sudfeld. I’ve been offered two different trades, and I don’t know whether to take one or neither:

First, Eddie Lacy for Reggie Wayne, straight up. Second, Calvin Johnson and Jared Cook for Arian Foster and Bryce Brown.

Holy balls, you gotta take that second trade.

Trade two is still fluid. He has Ben Tate, who looked much better than Arian Foster, and as a vegan Foster may be breaking down into a pile of kale and soy. If I can flip Foster, Brown and a bench player (jennings, stevie johnson)

Jennings! He sucks.

for Calvin, Cook and Tate, do I take it? I don’t know what I have in Eddie Lacy, so I’m inclined to keep him, but this is really looking like a passing year and its 1pt PPR. I would love any kind of input you can offer.

Okay, let’s review your roster. You’re deep at RB in a PPR league, but lack depth at WR and have no one at TE. You have been offered THE BEST RECEIVER IN ALL OF FOOTBALL and a tight end who I believe will be a Top-5 TE in fantasy this year (I don’t think Cook’s Week 1 was a fluke) for the cost of your best running back (clearly on the downslope) and the backup RB in an up-tempo offense. I like Foster, and I like Brown, but trading them away for Megatron and Cook is a fucking jewelry heist. Pull the trigger.

Sex: I’ve been dating a girl for about 7 months and she is great, but I feel like I’m growing bored and frustrated with it, and am thinking about ending it. As shallow as it sounds, I’m growing less attracted to her, and I guess I’m just not of the right mind/maturity right now to be in a relationship. I’m pretty sure she thinks everything’s going well (though she’s not stupid and may have picked up on my feelings, but I don’t think so), and I’m worried completely blindsiding her with a breakup would be too hard on her. Can I try to foreshadow a breakup, and does that make it any easier on the person? Is that even a reasonable thing to do?

Nope. With rare exceptions, there ‘s no such thing as “letting someone down gently” or “not being the bad guy” when you break up with someone. Because no matter how carefully you choose your words, the message they get is “I am rejecting you.”

And Breaker-Uppers of the World, I’m here to tell you: THAT IS OKAY. Break-ups are a necessary and healthy part of dating, and the best way to be “nice” about it is to do it as soon as possible. You may be hated. It may be difficult and awkward. You may feel guilty for hurting someone. That, too, is okay: it’s a sign that you’re probably not a sociopath.

This is my first real relationship, so I’m new to this and I really want to spare her feelings as much as I can. Also, we have the same circle of friends, who I would prefer to not have hate me more than necessary.
-Andy Reid’s Dietician

Treat it like a Band-Aid: be quick and firm. The initial shock hurts, but it’s less agonizing than slowly pulling out every individual hair. Have a script for yourself: “You haven’t done anything wrong, but I’m unhappy in this relationship, and I think we should break up.” It’s clear and direct, and there’s no bullshit gray area. Sometimes people will say, “I think we should see other people” when they want to break up, and what the other person hears is “THERE’S STILL A CHANCE!”

If she starts asking questions — and she will, because people who are getting broken up with always need to know WHY? WHYYYYYYYYYY? — then you tell her that she should be in a relationship with someone who appreciates what a great person she is and wants to be in a relationship. If the conversation starts going in circles, tell her you’ve said everything you can say, apologize, and excuse yourself.

Your friends will think whatever they think, which is to say: some may side with her, and some won’t really care. You can tell them what you told your ex: you were unhappy, and it’s better for both of you in the long run.


Fantasy football: Standard scoring league. Please pick my flex:

Hakeem Nicks (no running game and potential for falling behind early = throwing the ball around)
Rashard Mendenhall (hard not to play a starting running back)

COUNTERPOINT: it’s super-easy to always bench Rashard Mendenhall. Start Nicks, that game’s gonna be a shootout.

Sex/Relationship question: Thanks to Tinder, I had a very active sex life this summer. This led to something popping up a couple months ago that turned out to be herpes. Yay. Since my diagnosis I’ve been laying low, taking the suppressive drugs, and not engaging in relations with anyone.

Here is my issue: I’ve gone out with a real cool girl a couple times over the past two weeks. She likes football, is a workout fanatic, can drink with the guys, and is taller than me. I’d like to keep things progressing with her but I’m completely at a loss for how to bring up my herpes.

I know these approaches are bad ideas:

– pull out phone, google herpes, show her pics, “I have this!”

– continue progressing, turn this into a relationship, just before engaging in sexy time say “Oh, you should know…”

Yeah, it’s not really a topic to broach while naked.

There are obviously many more bad ideas. But what I’d like is a good idea or some thoughts on it. All I can picture right now is her face as she googles pictures of the herp (a natural reaction, I guess). I don’t think resorting to stats (1 in 5 guys has it!) is all that helpful either. Seems like we need to be outside somewhere, maybe come up with an excuse for both of us to have vehicles there, so I can tell her where there is zero chance of a scene being made and where I give her the opportunity to make the understandable decision of getting the f away.
Herpes Guy

Personally, I would NOT go for the public location, just because I wouldn’t want the possibility of someone overhearing you have herpes. I don’t think you need to do a lot of logistical planning, just say, “Hey, this is really hard for me, because I’ve never had this conversation before. I like you, and I’m really attracted to you, but you should know that last summer someone I shouldn’t have trusted gave me herpes.” Then you can go into the medical facts. She’s not going to bolt out the door or anything, but she’ll probably need some time to process it.

(Theme this week: ripping off Band-Aids)


Dear KSK,
Am I crazy to think that Terrelle Pryor is worth a start this week against JAX? My main QB is Cam (vs. BUF, which held Brady in check last week). 6 pts for passing TDs, so I lose the running advantage on both. Also, I’m going with a waiver wire defense all year–good strategy or doomed to fail?

You’re not crazy, but you’re definitely thinking too hard. Step away from the Week 1 stat sheet and look at your quarterbacks: you have Cam Newton and Terrelle Pryor, and you’re thinking about starting Terrelle Pryor? That’s a knee-jerk overreaction from the smallest possible sample size. Start Cam.

Relationship–Does your wife understand that you have friends from college, or in your case, from your service time, who you may go months or years without seeing or talking to? How would you explain these relationships to a wife who has had the same group of close friends her whole life and who she sees almost every week? Trying to explain why going to so many weddings all over the country is important to me.
I Really Miss My Orson Charles, Y’all

Yes, a transient life and a stint in the military means I have friends scattered across the country, and my wife does have a close-knit group of friends that she can trace back to grade school. It’s hard for her to be in New York and separated from her lifelong friends in California, whereas I’m like, “Whatever, see you guys when I see you.” Neither of us can just automatically feel a different way after an entire life of being used to something, but we each respect that the other’s friendships matter. We sympathize, and your wife should, as well. Just like you’d go to all of your wife’s friends’ weddings, you need to go to YOUR friends’ weddings, too.


Plato’s Insightful Caveman,
Football. Two questions, I’m afraid. Firstly, once you graduate and all have awful things like jobs, responsibilities and alarm clocks, it becomes pertinent to introduce a waiver system for the signing of free agents, to protect those who have these wonderful grown-up things from lucky gits that as of yet do not, right? I’ll save you the drama, but we could use your authority to quieten those moaning about it.

Yes, you need a waiver system. Your present system is a godless chaos.

Secondly, pick-a-flex: Eifert (vs. Pit), Antonio Brown (@Cinci) or Jerome Simpson (@Chi)? I’m leaning towards the Eifert Tower, but Brown has clocked up the yards against my beloved Bengals in recent years. I’m not seriously considering Simpson, which is why he WILL log the most points. I could also put either Bryce Brown (vs. SD) or Da’Rel Scott (vsDenver), but already have to start one at RB and neither should really merit consideration for that, to be honest.

Your Bengals homerism deceives you. Go with your Browns: Antonio at flex, Bryce at RB.

SexyTime: I’m 22, happy, have a nice and varied circle good friends, single and have been for the last two years, with delightful results. I’ve just returned to the Netherlands (I’m British, and have studied there before) to begin my masters degree, and the sheer workload of it has slammed me. I was already opening up slightly to the idea of a more stable girlfriend, sensing a need to calm down a little – the last year has been spent either drunk or hungover more often than not.

However, now this workload has hit me and calming down is a foregone conclusion, I wonder if a lover that isn’t a brief fling or a drunken adventure isn’t such a bad idea at all. I get emotional support, regular sex and a method of fun that doesn’t involve beer. Am I thinking on the right lines, or stupidly putting my name down as a potential sign up to yet another commitment I don’t need (after football (playing), study and sleep I already have extremely limited time.)?

Yours Sincerely,

As someone who works sixty or so hours a week during football season, I can confirm that a stable and monogamous relationship is preferable to meeting new people and trying to convince them to sleep with me. This trend can also be seen in the three or four billion people on the planet who are married, but ask your doctor is monogamy is right for you.

My recommendation: try to appreciate how marvelous your life is at 22. “I’ve been hooking up with lots of women, maybe I should allow myself to have feelings for one.” I was going to take issue with your outlook, but then I remembered that starting a relationship at 22 can be as simple as calling someone after sleeping with them.

Anyway, you’re not defined by whether you’re dating someone or not, so it’s not worth your mental energy. Just do what feels right and makes you happy. If you need to pour yourself into work, do that. A casual arrangement with another grad student focused on work? Sure, that works. Have feelings for someone? Buy her flowers and don’t date anyone else.


Oh Captain My Captain,
SEX: I started seeing a girl over the summer, and we both made it clear that we weren’t looking for a relationship, that we weren’t exclusive, and so on. It was easy, because I lived about an hour away, so I’d come in on a weekend, we’d go out for dinner, I’d stay the night, and then drive home the next day. But now I’m moving to the city she lives and I get the sense that she wants us to become something more serious when I get there. But I’m not on board. I like her, but I just don’t think she’s girlfriend material. I don’t want to hurt her, so I figure I’ll break this off before I move, just so I can’t possibly be leading her on, but is there any way to do that without coming off as the bad guy?

Please see the advice given to Andy Reid’s Dietician above.

FOOTBALL: Dealt Roddy White, Ahmad Bradshaw, and Rashard Mendenhall for MJD and Miles Austin, which was a must, since my #2 RB was Lamar Miller.

Man, fuck that guy.

Is it worth torpedoing my WR depth (I have AJ Green, Reggie Wayne, Mike Wallace, Austin, and Chris Givens) by packaging one of those with a tight end (I have Zach Sudfeld and Brandon Myers) for an upgrade there? I should mention this is a two-flex league and I don’t really have an RB other than Miller I would think about flexing (Vick Ballard and Bilal Powell).

I think Myers is a serviceable starting TE. With Gronkowski due to return in the next couple of weeks, I’d happily shop Sudfeld and Mike Wallace around.


Dear KSK,
Fantasy: I’ve never played fantasy football before (most of my friends don’t play, we live in the South where college football rules, I never thought it would be my thing, etc.), but a friend of mine from work got fired last Wednesday right after he drafted his team in our office league. Being young, broke, and now a little bitter, he didn’t want to play with them any more and wanted his $20 back. Everybody else didn’t want to just dissolve his team and wanted him to find a replacement. He came to me, and we all agreed that I would take over managing his team for half-price and he would get his money back. I also agreed to split any winnings with him, as he needs the money much more than I do. Not knowing a lot about fantasy I talked it over with other people I know who play, and it seems our team is good at QB (Rodgers and Palmer) and WR (Boldin, Welker, Julio, Golden Tate), but our RBs aren’t great (he originally had just DeAngelo Williams, Steven Jackson and Ryan Mathews,


but I dropped Santana Moss and our 2nd kicker

Second kicker? I’m beginning to understand why he was fired.

to add Pierre Thomas and Bilal Powell). It’s a standard 12 team ESPN league, but do you think I should try and trade one of my WRs for some RB help? Should I just start Julio, Welker, Jackson with Boldin in the flex every week they’re playing and look at the matchups for the other RB spot? Do you think Powell will provide good value


or should I look for somebody better on the waiver wire? I was wrong about fantasy football, too. I’m already obsessed. And we already lost our first matchup because this kid didn’t start Welker last Thursday night, so I need to step it up.

The good news is that you’re covered until Jonathan Stewart comes back — I think DeAngelo Williams is a decent play as long as he’s not losing carries to Stewart and Kenjon Barner. But yes: you need to upgrade at running back in a big way. Whether that means packaging Mathews and Golden Tate for someone who’s merely okay, or swapping one of your awesome receivers for an equally awesome running back will be determined by what your league mates are willing to do, but the ones who have needs at WR and are deep at RB are the ones to target.

Otherwise, if you’re looking for help on the waiver wire, my WEEKLY FANTASY SHOWS can help you out. Keepers comes out Thursday afternoons, and The Fantasy War Room runs live for the hour before kickoff on Sundays. Follow me on Twitter for links to that stuff.

Sex: Don’t really have a question here, but I enjoyed your story the other week about your wife going out of town. I discussed it with my married friends/friends in a long-term relationship who are all in their 30s, and they all felt the same way – it’s great for one night but that’s about it. I also wanted to let you know that as a guy who has been married for almost 3 years, after a few times when your wife goes out of town you don’t even pretend that you’re going to go out a party anymore. If it’s for one night, I don’t even tell my friends; I just look forward to the night alone watching whatever movies/sports I want to watch. It’s sad, I know, but it’s a hell of a lot better than living alone and being lonely all the time.
– Fantasy Noob

Yeah, watching TV alone is pretty great. I’m also a big fan of ordering takeout and eating on the couch. No dishes to do!


Hey Caveman,
So im a student who was in a relationship for my first 3 years of college, and as a result didnt spend much time talking to girls (or really anyone at school). My girlfriend and I broke up during exams last year, so i spent the summer hanging with my single friends partying, going to bars/clubs etc. and I’ve discovered i’m apparently pretty popular with the ladies, though the standard fare you find in bars are not usually particularly palatable. Either way, i spent the summer ‘sharpening my game’ getting comfortable approaching/talking to girls and telling myself come September ill be slaying pussy left and right.

Please don’t slay pussies. Or crush them. Or murder them. I recommend performing cunnilingus and then having sex with them.

Well here we are 2 weeks into the school year and it turns out talking to sober girls while im sober is exponentially more difficult than chatting up drunk girls in a bar. 90% of the girls i see are walking by on campus; I really have no idea how to engage a girl in that situation. I try to make eye contact and smile and pick up any sign of interest, but the vast majority of girls are very shy and in the rare occasion they even look up and make eye contact they quickly look away.

That’s because strange men are a danger to women. Watch the master:

So, ya know, don’t be too upset that you can’t just stare ’em down and win their hearts.

Is there any way to approach random girls on the street? I figure on campus its a little easier since we automatically have something in common, but i still can never think of something to say that doesn’t come off as weird. A few times I’ve asked how to find the library or another building that i know is kind of nearby, but I’ve had no luck parlaying that into an actual conversation. And that card will get harder to play the deeper into the semester I get.

No shit. A senior pretending he doesn’t know where the library is. I can’t believe that hasn’t worked yet.

Any advice other than stop being a bitch and just talk to them?

Dude, you are in COLLEGE. The only move ANYONE has is getting drunk and making out with strangers. If you don’t want to go that route, then talk to the girls in your classes. There are a MILLION super-easy way to meet girls in college (hello, intramural sports), and you’re focused on the one method that’s crazy hard for anyone. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.

Football: Am I overthinking matchups if i start Vick (vs SD) over Kaepernick (@SEA)? Its worth noting the guy im playing is fucking stacked (Fetushead in the 4th round? Fuck) so i might need to swing for the fences and Vick seems like the better play.
Big Pussy On Campus

Ordinarily I’d say stick with the guy you drafted to be your starter, especially this early in the season, but I actually like playing Vick as a David strategy if you’re truly overmatched.


Dear Sultan of Stats,
Fantasy first: I’m in a 12 team league, .5 points per reception, .2 points per rush, standard scoring otherwise. Due to an unusually competitive draft this year, I’m in a tight spot with my flex. My bench RB’s are handcuffs, so my only real options are Vincent Brown, T.Y. Hilton, Aaron Dobson, Tyler Eifert, and Leonard Hankerson. I’m leaning towards Brown simply because I think the Chargers are going to fall behind early and will have to throw to play catch-up, but I’d love to hear your opinion on this one. (Also, if you’re wondering whats going on with all the rookie/second year guys, its a keeper league and they were all late rounders.)

Brown got in the end zone last week, but his 13 yards receiving were SEVENTH on the team. I’d much rather play T.Y. Hilton, who plays a bigger role in a reliably pass-heavy offense.

Sex/Relationship: I’m having some issues with my mother-in-law, I realize that’s really something of a sitcom cliche, but hear me out. She’s a great person, and I completely get along with her but she can be extremely overbearing. The problem is its not the “nagging shrew” kind of overbearing but the “her 27 year old daughter (and by extension me) is still a child that needs to be cared for” overbearing.

Oh, so she’s like EVERY mom. Got it.

This is something of a double edged sword, since this mindset leads to her being extremely helpful during lean times. I just graduated from law school and am currently bouncing around between freelance jobs until I get my bar results, and my wife is a teacher so the occasional Costco trip is a big help to us. However, its starting to get to the point where she is trying to pay for a lot of things that she shouldn’t be. I’ve had to fend off offers to help us pay for rent, cable bills, moving costs, etc. Whenever she visits us, she insists on deep cleaning our entire house, cooking all our meals, walking our dog and even driving us to work.

I pay for maid and dog-walking services. Getting that shit for free sounds great.

I realize this sounds like me bitching when I should be grateful about someone being nice, but I’m concerned about this “my babies need me to do everything for them” mindset going forward. My wife and I are expecting our first child in January, and she’s already offered to move into our place for 6 weeks to “help out.” I can’t help but feel like the next 18 years are going to be a constant battle over how we raise our kid. Plus, it really sucks to be in my late 20’s have someone feel like I’m incapable of supporting my family.

Dude, you’re gonna be UNDERWATER during the first six weeks of parenthood. Give her the night shift and get some sleep.

I’ve told my wife how I feel, albeit carefully because pregnancy hormones + her relationship with her mother = argument minefield. She seems to understand my concerns and agree with me to an extent but she has a certain fatalism about the whole situation. She seems to think that there is no point in arguing with her mother, and that she will do whatever she wants to anyway. So, at this point I’m kind of picking my battles, but i know that we are all going to have to sit down and talk about this at some point.

Sorry for the novel, but i guess my question is: how do I make my mother-in-law understand that I love her and I’m very grateful for her offers to help my wife and I out with things, but at the same time get across that we are adults now and she needs to back off a bit and let us live our lives?
I appreciate your advice,
Darrin Stephens

You and your wife need to be a team. There needs to be a clear message that both of you are on board with and agree with. From there, you can start setting boundaries with your mother-in-law, which comes down to saying “no” to her offers of help.

That said, you need to recognize that this is what mothers do. They help. They nurture. They provide care. And if your mother-in-law is a nice person who’s offering services that most people charge money for, fucking take them, man.


Sir Cromagnon,
Football: My teams never fail to lose in Week 1. Pick two receivers to start from this group for Week 2: Kembrell Thompkins, Golden Tate, Dwayne Bowe, Kenny Britt, Michael Floyd, Kenny Stills. Pretty awful group.

Not that bad. Thompkins, Bowe, and Floyd are all solid plays. In terms of matchups, Thompkins and Floyd have the best ones, but Bowe’s the most talented of the bunch.

Relationship: I’ll keep this as brief as possible. I’ve been dating an awesome girl for five months–met the family, spent a ton of time with her, etc. etc. and I’ve been thinking this is the girl I’m supposed to marry. My friends love her, she loves sports, she’s beautiful; I could go on about all the things that I love about her, but you get the idea.

After three weekends of trips out of town with her, her attitude all of a sudden changes. After a week of this, she finally comes clean: her previous boyfriend of 2.5 years who dumped her over a year ago and now lives in the same town as us has been going to lunch with her once a week for the past month and dropped the bomb on her before we ever went on any of the trips: he’s still in love with her. Now she’s trying to decide between the two of us.

Fuck that shit.

I know I treat her better than this guy ever could, because she has repeatedly said this. I know I’m better looking, smarter, and funnier than this guy. So now she has to choose, and she’s admitted that she’s leaning toward him. I just gave her a week with no contact from me to make her decision. My question: should I make her have to go through the pain of dumping me, should I just go ahead and cut bait, or should I wait to see if she does end up choosing me? As I said, this is the kind of girl I see myself marrying, and I’m very much in love with her. NOTHING has been wrong with the relationship until this bombshell. This guy broke all sorts of guy codes, and I’ve done nothing wrong (something she’s acknowledged). What should I do?
Mantis Toboggan, M.D.

Uh, this ain’t the ex-boyfriend’s fault for breaking “codes” — which don’t exist, by the way. This is your precious love being an unappreciative, unreliable flake.

The day after I had the conversation and sent in my question to you, my girlfriend asked me if I wanted to go to an event tonight (Thursday night). I had bought tickets to this weeks ago, before anything had gone awry. I asked her during our conversation the other night if she still wanted to go, and she said, “Probably not.” I then say that we should take that week break, yadda yadda, and then she texts me out of the blue the next morning and asked me if I wanted to go. I said, “Do YOU?” To which she replied, “I think we could have fun.” So, curiosity got the best of me and I am going with her tonight. Why do you think she asked me to do this? Is it because my comments regarding how disrespectful and selfish this other guy is processed through her brain and she’s already changed her mind?

lol no

It just seems strange after pledging to take a week off of communicating to do that.
Sorry for the rambling!
Mantis Toboggan, M.D.

She texted you and wanted to go out with you because you showed that you have some semblance of a spine. Your girlfriend — who is NOT someone you should marry, at least not until she matures a great deal — is an easily manipulated person who has trouble saying no. When you cut off contact for a week — way to fold like a cheap suit on that, by the way — you presented her with a scenario where she could lose you. And so she texted to keep you on the hook. Maybe she wants you, maybe she wants her ex-boyfriend, but in either case she wants the OPTION of the other guy in case her first choice doesn’t pan out.

You’re getting played like a chump, and you’re okay with it because you’re in love. I know because I’ve been there, and I’m telling you: your life will be better if you just cut her out of it completely. It hurts, but you deserve someone who doesn’t go behind your back to rekindle old flames. You need to be pissed at her, not her ex-boyfriend.

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