The Crime Issue — KSK Kontent Klearinghouse

07.03.13 4 years ago 33 Comments

raymount“Hmmm. The map doesn’t seem to indicate where the body dumps are.”

— With NFL players possibly murdering in the news, now’s as good a time as any to check in with God’s Antlersprayer, Ray Lewis. What’s Ray-Ray up to in the months preceding his new career annoying people in a broadcast studio? He’s climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro with Brad Pitt’s brother. Sounds funspirational! Get pissed off for climbing! Anyway, the group that includes Ray Lewis is scheduled to depart for the mountain on Wednesday, with the expectation that they will reach the summit on Sunday. Or, you know, never because they don’t make it and Ray Lewis is gone forever and the world is spared more squirrel dancing on Sunday ESPN studio shows. Just sayin’ there’s a chance.

— Meanwhile, in alleged Aaron Hernandez slayings, he’s now being investigated for another crime from 2007, this one a shooting that took place outside of a Gainesville club. Tomorrow, Aaron Hernandez is implicated in four kidnapping cases from 1999.

— Not everything is bad news for Hernandez. The Bristol County sheriff said Hernandez has been a model inmate. That is, until it’s discovered six years from now that he actually stabbed everyone else in the prison, only no one bothered to press charges.

— Aaron Hernandez is still available for play in the current Madden game, possibly because EA isn’t gonna put together an online roster update for Madden when the next installment of the series is released next month. Anyway, this writer feels uneasy about seeing Hernandez in the game, which is whatever, but I enjoy this screenshot anyway.


— Now a bunch of front office executives wanna feel superior by telling the media how they avoided Aaron Hernandez in the draft for character reasons. One of them is Mike Brown of the Bengals. That has a bunch of people going HARF HARF HARF BUT I THOUGHT THE BENGALS ONLY DRAFTED FELONS HURRRRR DURRRRRRR HODORRRRR

— There’s been an uptick of arrests during this NFL off-season, which doesn’t necessarily mean anything. But statistics do show that Roger Goodell’s efforts to protect the shield by coming down hard on the riff raff have been hilariously ineffective.

— 49ers linebacker Ahmad Brooks might have charges brought against him for assaulting teammate Lamar Divens. According to the San Jose Mercury News: “The controversy stems from a June 8 incident in which Brooks allegedly struck 49ers nose tackle Lamar Divens three times in the head with a beer bottle and then punched him in the face during an argument over car keys outside Brooks’ house in San Jose. The alleged attack left Divens bloodied and requiring three stitches, according to court documents.” Whether charges are dropped or not, next time Lamar will now not to try to confiscate the car keys of a drunk Ahmad Brooks.

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