this is the heavy heavy monster sound, the nuttiest sound around

04.12.07 10 years ago 28 Comments

It probably sucks to be Tank Johnson right now. The big dude is locked up in an Illinois cooler for a while. But cheer up, Tank: every cloud has a silver lining. If he was out and about with us civilized folk, Tank would constantly be on verge of an apoplexy during the brief moment after his phone rings but before someone other than “GOODELL, ROGER” came up on the Caller ID. Can the NFL Network make a special out of this?

So, which side are you on?

“Mr. Web 2.0” Tim O’Reilly is pushing a voluntary blogger code of conduct. If O’Reilly thinks some bullshit internet handshake agreement is going to keep belligerent morons from waving their internet-dicks then he is sadly mistaken. Frankly, the whole things smacks of censorship right down to the little bits of flair they would have your blog wear.

Spineless supplicants would get their very own genuine Little Bill Dagget sheriff’s badge (above left). Those who prefer free speech and the open exchange of ideas, and the occasional unpleasantness that accompanies same, would get an “anything goes” badge (above right). What kind of godless commie thinks a stick of dynamite is representative of free speech? Actually, I kind of like the badge with one tweak– it needs to be modified to reflect the wisdom of Big Daddy Drew Kane:

Exhasutive scientific studies confirm what we
have known for years: pimpin’ ain’t easy.

Speaking of ho’s, this Imus thing has been talked about ad nauseum, and I don’t have the patience or energy to add anything further. Big Sexy makes some salient points about double standards, but misses the fact that Imus was referring to a small, discreet and readily identifiable set of people and not just “womankind” in general. I bring all of this up only to tell you about THE STUPIDEST MAN IN AMERICA:

Buffoonery, thy name is Morning Gary.

Morning Zoo DJ’s are second only to sports radio clowns (cough, Schrutebag, cough) when it comes to unabashed idiocy. After the Imus fallout, it would seem that last thing any DJ with a double-digit IQ would do is have your listeners call and scream “Im a Nappy-Headed Ho!!!” in order to win NASCAR (shocker) tickets. Yet that is precisely what “Morning Gary” on WSBG in Allentown, Pennsylvania did Tuesday morning. The good news for Gary is his out of work ass can now call himself “Sleeping Til Noon Gary.”

Finally, KSK was name-checked today by “Mr. Flip” in the Baltimore Sun (but not linked— thanks, dick). What was it, you might wonder. The latest adventures of Sexy Rexy? Unsilent Majority’s sage gambling advice? No, it was Texas Gal’s nail polish pointers from the Ladies… takeover yesterday. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Up yours, Bawlmer.

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