As Nashville police try and sort through the sad details of Steve McNair’s murder, various media outlets have stumbled over themselves to get ahead of the story, thus resulting in a rare perfect storm of retarded speculation and braindead theories about the circumstances surrounding the star QB’s demise. Well folks, no one covers a major event as poorly as we at KSK do. If you’re going to read speculation about McNair that is clearly false, you deserve only the DUMBEST of theories and predictions. Here now, is some of our very finest non-detective work on the matter.
-It’s entirely possible that Kerry Collins will now begin drinking Barbicide again.
-Those aren’t bullet holes. They’re precision Jeff Fisher fist pumps.
-Jeff Fisher is going mustacheless this season in silent tribute. Book it.
-Could the Titans be looking into an organization-wide ban on extramarital affairs? Maybe!
-Mark our words: Nate Washington will be too distraught to drop passes with his hands. He’ll just let them clang off his helmet.
-We have reason to believe that Bob was tired of being the “other” McNair in NFL circles. Makes you wonder…
-It’s entirely possible that the gun was planted on the scene. But who did it? Well, here’s a guess: Chris Chandler. Think about it.
-Yes, McNair was shot several times… but only ONCE in the head. Let’s not rule out the possibility that McNair killed himself.
-Jevon Kearse hasn’t logged onto MySpace since July 1. HOW CONVENIENT.
-Johnny Cash did it just to watch him die.
-Adrian Veidt is the one behind all these celebrity murders
-You know who’s been oddly silent in the wake of this alleged tragedy? The reverse vampires.
-Remember, Nashville is the center of the country music industry. Let’s not rule out Travis Tritt.
-Word on the street is Peyton never did want to share that 2003 MVP…
-Saleh Kazemi? Sounds like a Persian name to me. Could this be part of a far and wide ranging crackdown on potential Iranian dissidents in the wake of that country’s rigged elections?
-Steve McNair was shot in Nashville. NASHville… Nash Bridges! Which starred Don Johnson… Johnson… JOHNSON & JOHNSON… No more tears! No More Tears was an album by Ozzy Osbourne, who is married to Sharon Osbourne, who is the host of America’s Got Talent… AMERICA’s Got Talent… which is our version of Britain’s Got Talent…
SUSAN FUCKING BOYLE DID THIS!