SWIMMING

MICHAEL PHELPS GON’ BE ON THE TV

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As announced everywhere yesterday, Michael Phelps will be cashing in on his Olympic glory with a gig as the host of this season's premiere of Saturday Night Live, with <a href="http://community.tvguide.com/blog-entry/TVGuide-News-Blog/Todays-News/Michael-Phelps-Present/800045820" target="_blank">additional appearances</a> at the MTV Video Music Awards and on Entourage (guh).

WARREN SAPP

‘DWTS’ TO FEATURE ATHLETES, WASTE TIME

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ABC will subject us to yet another season of "Dancing with the Stars," and as usual there are <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=3552445" target="_blank">several athletes in the lineup</a> of contestants.

GOLF

KRISTIN CAVALLARI IS GOLFING, NOT BAD

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Kristin Cavallari, whose name I almost always write "calamari," was the focal of a show called Laguna Beach, which I was certain was the stupidest fucking thing ever put on television.

THAT'S A BURN

ROGER CLEMENS IS DOING GREAT

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Today Page Six claims that Roger Clemens is <a href="http://www.nypost.com/seven/06182008/gossip/pagesix/used_car_dealer_115956.htm" target="_blank">selling his belongings</a> in order to help pay for all his legal bills.

PHIL MICKELSON

PHIL MICKELSON TO APPEAR IN ‘ENTOURAGE’

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Phil Mickelson has long had a reputation for being one of -- if not THE -- biggest self-absorbed douchebag on the PGA Tour, so it should come as no surprise that he'll be <a href="http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/spt/stories/052208dnsponichols.34ca460.html" target="_blank">appearing in the preferred show for self-absorbed douchebags</a>, Entourage.

POLICE BLOTTER

TEEN BRINGS AK-47 TO HOOPS GAME

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The Jazz's Andrei Kirilenko, who wears jersey number 47, is a dangerous weapon in any basketball game.

NFL

F-

By | 26 Comments

This is Cowboys WR Terrell Owens on the upcoming episode of Flavor Flav's Under One Roof.

ESPN

ESPN PASSES THIS OFF AS TELEVISION

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It should be pretty obvious from my lack of sports knowledge and zero media coverage that I watch no more than 20 minutes of ESPN per week, and this video from <a href="http://awfulannouncing.blogspot.com/2008/05/welcome-to-seventh-level-of-hell.html" target="_blank">Awful Announcing</a> reminds me why.

NFL

WOW THIS IS AWKWARD

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Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor is apparently still on Dancing with the Stars, and last night he danced to the Monday Night Football theme.

HOO BOY THAT'S GAY

‘AMERICAN GLADIATORS’ GAYER THAN EVER

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This is almost too shocking to believe, but <a href="../post.phtml?pk=4617">Militia</a> isn't the only American Gladiator who made a living taking his clothes off before getting cast in NBC's uninspired retread of our fond child memories.

NFL

ELI MANNING IS COMING TO ‘AMERICAN IDOL’

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I'm one of those really busy, important intellectuals like you see on hour-long TV dramas, so of course I don't have the time or the inclination to watch trite mind-numbing horseshit like American Idol.

NFL

ATHLETES ONCE AGAIN ON ‘DANCING W/ STARS’

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If I tell a bouillaibaisse joke, will anyone get it.

CRAPPY TV SHOWS

MORE LIKE ‘AMERICAN GLAD-HE-ATE-HERS’

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One of the contestants on last night's episode of "American Gladiators" featured Belinda Gavin, a 36-year-old bull rider originally from Australia if you want to believe <a href="http://www.nbc.com/American_Gladiators/contestants/belinda_gavin.shtml" target="_blank">the AG website</a>.

MMA

NO THANKS

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With all the hubbub surrounding the über-crap that is the new American Gladiators, our friends at <a href="http://www.maximonline.com/todays_girl/index_magnified.aspx?id=2255" target="_blank">Maxim</a> have given us a photo gallery of Gina Carano, less unknown by her gladiator name, <a href="http://www.nbc.com/American_Gladiators/bios/crush.shtml" target="_blank">Crush</a>.

CRAPPY TV SHOWS

EVERYONE HATES ‘AMERICAN GLADIATORS’

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NBC's revamped version of "American Gladiators" launched last night, and the general consensus is that it sucks humongous cock -- <a href="../post.phtml?pk=4617">like Militia</a>.

PHOENIX SUNS

HOW COULD BRAD SAY NO TO THIS?

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I'm sad to say that I missed last night's finale of The Bachelor, but <a href="http://jensfreethrows.wordpress.com/2007/11/20/phoenix-suns-dancer-rejected-on-the-bachelor/" target="_blank">Jen's Free Throws</a> has the full report on our gal <a href="http://withleather.com/post.phtml?pk=3951">Jenni the Suns dancer</a>, who was one of the final two options for Bachelor Brad.

NOTRE DAME FIGHTING IRISH

EVEN NBC HATES NOTRE DAME

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I've been waiting a couple days for the non-Zapruder version of this Notre Dame spoof from last weekend's Saturday Night Live to hit YouTube, and it finally has thanks to <a href="http://www.850thebuzz.com/blog/?p=3444" target="_blank">850 the Buzz</a> (via <a href="http://www.brahsome.com/2007/10/well-played-mr-michael-well-played.html" target="_blank">Brahsome</a>).

NBA

MARK CUBAN IS DANCING WITH THE STARS

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I'm sorry to say I missed last night's episode of "Dancing with the Stars.

PHOENIX SUNS

SUNS DANCER ON 'THE BACHELOR'

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The newest iteration of ABC's The Bachelor debuted last night, and it's the usual emotion-porn of chicks crying after not being pretty enough to "win" true love in a televised contest.


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