Better Know A Draft Pick: Ha Ha Clinton-Dix

04.23.14 3 years ago 82 Comments

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First name: Ha’Sean

Last name: Clinton-Dix

Current nickname: Ha Ha

Old nickname: LOL

Future nickname: [laughing emoticon]

How to remember his name: Imagine laughing at Bill Clinton’s penis.

Height: 6’1″

Weight: 208 lbs

Position: Free safety

College: Roll damn laughter

High school: Dr. Phillips High School in, home of the strangest logo in central Florida.

Other famous alumni: Joey Fatone, Wayne Brady, Eddie Huang and A.J. Pierzynski

Where do I know that group of people from? The dinner party you attended in your nightmares.

Year: Junior

Age: 21

40 yard dash: 4.58

Twitter: @haha_cd6

What his Twitter bio tells us: Glory be to God

What his tweets tell us: He is the most boring follow on all of Twitter.

Examples? Here are my five favorite Ha Ha-isms…

5. “Can’t find my wallet

4. “Just lost all my contacts

3. “Doing to MUCH

2. “New phone

1. “I need to get up

That’s performance art.

Who he follows: A bunch of boring ass people.

Not entirely song that accompanies his YouTube highlight video: “Put On”

Potential Berman nicknames: [Tries to laugh but sounds like Tim Allen’s grunts]

Random shit that shows up in his Google Image Search: This guy, who rode a bull named Ha Ha Clinton-Dix to victory at some bull riding…match? No, that can’t be right.

He must also be scared of horses comparison: Eric Berry

Strengths: Coverage and tackling

Weaknesses: Not Sean Taylor

Red Flag: You kind of have to be an asshole if you drive a Dodge Charger with custom paint, right?

Coveted by: St. Louis. The one picking 13th, not second.

Where he’ll go: To Oakland, way too early after Reggie McKenzie misunderstands Mark Davis unrelated chuckles.

What Nolan Nawrocki is saying: Something about ironing out his petal, which sounds like a euphemism a shy teenage girl would use to describe masturbation.

Impact: Starts as a rookie, loses his signing bonus due to a poor investment in a comedy club bearing his name.

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