Here Lies Kevin Kolb’s Jowly Sad Face

03.07.12 6 years ago 17 Comments

With Peyton Manning on the verge of officially being on the market, a bunch of middling quarterbacks are about to get their feelings hurt. We already mentioned that yesterday, 49ers legend Jerry Rice was openly campaigning for San Francisco to land Pey-Pey, despite Alex Smith coming off a career year. A career year for Alex Smith, to be sure, but still.

Turns out no crappy NFC West quarterback is safe for disdain from those involved in the organization. As soon as the news broke that Peyton would be released, Darnell Dockett dropped his pet gator, rushed to his tweeting machine and starting begging for Peyton to come to the desert. Why not? Like Seattle, Peter King finds Arizona to be a “pleasingly remote” destination for Ol’ Battleship.

Not content to undermine Kolb only on Twitter, Dockett then went onto NFL Network to elaborate his plea to Peyton:

I’ll get him his number. I get him parking pass, free donuts on Saturday. I make sure my guys clean his cleats up real well. I make sure I give him all my connects. Even my barber, you know, can come to his house and cut his hair, so that’ll make his job real easy. All he’ll have to do is come to practice and play in the games.”

I assume “my connects” includes Sam Hurd. That’s the Buzzsaw hard sell, right there. Seattle surely could more than match the donuts offer. Golden Tate could steal them fresh EVERY morning.

If it’s any consolation to Kolb and Smith, it’s not only currently employed quarterbacks who are being overshadowed by Peyton. Go in peace, Caleb Hanie, and best of luck confusing Jets coaches trying to decide between you and Chad Henne. “They both sound and suck alike. Shall we eenie meenie miny moe for it?”

Of course, there’s still Indy and its day of Fetushead postpartum depression.

Knowing Irsay, I had to Google that line to make sure it wasn’t a classic rock lyric. To my great surprise… no. It his an original cornball composition.

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